Friday, 31 December 2010

random quickie

no, not that type. silly little internet pervs.

off to do some stuff, so here's some random thoughts i've been wanting to post about, but who knows if i'll have the opportunity.

1. meeting up with my friend last night, we were b*tching about the government talking about the politics and social structure of the country. still reluctant to be specific, let me direct you to the concept of 1[holy motherland] and his 2 cents on the topic:
i am a second rate citizen in my own country. f*kn boomies.

this is further made ironic by the fact that they're handing out citizenships to random immigrants. i mean, when illegal immigrants can have their kids become the president, and people who've been there for 5-odd generations, something must be very wrong. or very awesome. though i'm inclined to go with the 'wrong' thing.

2. somehow, we also managed to talk about hot chicks appreciation of women, and i brought up how white guys like asian girls, and asian guys like white girls (girls' preferences are complex, so let's not go into that. obviously being black has its perks in this matter because size is a big thing, if you know what i mean). anyway, according to him, this only makes sense because men do not know how to appreciate women of other races, which is why even though, for example, white guys dig asian chicks, the chicks that they end up going out with are not generally cute by an asian guy's standards. same goes with other races, male and female. i thought this was a pretty interesting thought at the time, and obviously writing a short paragraph on it has not done it any justice... oh well.

3. man, chocolate is so awesome.

4. nobel prizes! god, i've procrastinated on this one so much. they actually showed this on television (live and slightly delayed), so for the first time ever, you might have been able to watch the ceremonies! not that anyone actually watched, though. sadly i had to attend to stuff halfway through watching, so i only watched the peace and literature prizes, so i guess i'll go on about the sciency stuff another time.

5. holiday by the beach! lots of good food, but really nothing much besides that :/ ended up spending most of my time at the food stalls and in the hotel room because it rained...

this is pretty lacklustre, i don't think i really like these short update kind of posts. but never you mind that! off to do stuff!

Sunday, 26 December 2010

tonight we dine in hell. on chocolate. mmm.

i've been slacking since i've been on holiday. that means i haven't been jogging or playing football, and been eating everything i can imagine (that's yummy in my tummy mmm).

i reckon i've put on some weight, probably about 3 kilos. and who is to blame? leonidas.

wait, what? no, not that leonidas. the other one, that belgian chocolate brand.

every day i open those little chocolate-boxes and just pick the ones i like (all of them, obviously). my dad bought about 7 boxes or so? and now i think there's only 3 left. and nobody else in the house eats them besides me. how can you blame me, though! it's all full of chocolatey orgasm on a rainbow of yumminess.

btw these boxes make super awesome gifts (if you can bear to part with them) and i think they only cost 5 euros a pack or so? well that was on an extreme promotion or something, but still. i reckon they don't cost too much. anyway. can't type, gotta eat chocolates. damn you leonidas. damn you. this. is. FATTENINGGGGGG.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

you're simply the best

i wanted to write about the public transport today, for various reasons. however, something caught my attention as i was watching the news (which is a very rare occasion, mind you, seeing that it makes me facepalm 80% of the time, and roll my eyes the remaining 20%). so, today's story is about government and private monopolies. usually i am very pedantic about keeping things general, especially when it comes to criticising commenting on the holy motherland because you can get in some deep sh*t for stepping on the wrong toes. however, today i make an exception because there are some blatant discrepancies between what's being touted and the wanting reality of it all:

the national kite, the wau. you are the best airline in the holy motherland. even though you charge prices ten times that of what your quality represents, you are the best airline.

the national animal, the tiger. you are the best bank in the holy motherland. even though you charge a nominal fee on every transaction (something that no other major bank in the world does, because it's just blatantly retarded), you are the best bank.

the swallow. you are the best postal service in the holy motherland. even though you throw away festive cards by the roadside because you can't be half-assed to deliver them (because nobody even notices, right?), you are the best postal service.

the positive-charged particle of an atom, you are the best car manufacturer in the holy motherland. even though you can only survive by undercutting foreign car manufacturers via the imposition of a ridiculous tax on them, you are the best car manufacturer.

telek*m, ten*ga nation*l berh*d, ind*h h2o, etc. etc. etc. you're all the best at what you do, even though you are full to the brim with corruption and inefficiency, with corner-cutting and absence of any form of ethics whatsoever. even though you suck proverbial ass are not up to the standards my high horse and i impose upon you, you're the best at what you do.

because you have no competition.

p/s: next time, we'll take a look at a user's view of a specific example - public transport.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

all i want for xmas

christmas in australia is during the summer. which doesn't really make that much of a difference, but just putting it out there. no snow? no big crowds? not really that much to do? that's pretty standard in perth. besides, i'm back home for the summer break, and even if i weren't, i'd normally be travelling (just seeing friends and the such, because travelling during the winter is awful. i'd rather just keep my cash and wait 'til spring break). but anyway, that's all fine and dandy. i wanted to post something christmasy but i am actually pressed for time (another wedding to attend! it really is that time of year).

so just as a preliminary, here's a wishlist of a few things i'd like for xmas. just a top 3. you know. nothing fancy. not like i'm hinting at something. just saying.

in no particular order:

1. an ipod.
i know it's not in fashion nowadays. i know i'm kinda behind the trend curve. but really, all i want is a classic ipod. not even the current ipod classic model, which has video and colour and everything. one of those first gen ipods. like so.

obviously they don't make them any more. but i just want something simple, and that being the point, i wouldn't say no to the current generation ipod classic. as for why? i spend a lot of time on the bus, or jogging, or just randomly walking from place to place, and for the most part, i find myself singing to myself or something along those lines. especially so when i can't afford to read or something like that (i have this motion sickness thing when i'm on busses sometimes. it's pretty random because sometimes i get it and other times i'm just fine and dandy. not the gay dandy).

why not settle for any mp3 music player (i'm not sure they use the .mp3 format anymore? who knows?)? i guess i could. i dunno, maybe i've just wanted an ipod since way back when. but now that i think of it, yeah any player will do fine. all it needs to do is play my music. and not suck.

2. kindle
it honestly breaks my heart how little i read nowadays. i mean, i'm not a bookworm kinda person - at least not as much as some people are - but i do enjoy a good read. i find it hard to keep at one book, though, and nowadays it just seems my attention span is a little kid on a sugar rush. also high on lsd or some 'upper' designer drug. with coffee on the side. and adhd. going off on a tangent now.

anyway. when i can spare a respite from lecture notes and articles, i find myself bringing 2 books (or more) on the bus. currently it's 2 smaller ones, re-reading dorian gray and starting catch-22. but, yeah, i've also got this book on wwii and i'm looking to re-read lotr at some point... so that's probably as heavy as another laptop in the bag. do not want.

a kindle seems like a pretty decent option. it's not particularly pricey (i think? gotta check the current prices) and i can probably store a guano-load of books in there. oh, and i hear the battery time is pretty amazing. and, no to an ipad. horribly overpriced and just way overqualified for my means. although it might come in handy in the future... i dunno. no. must not give in to temptation. yeah, kindle. please, santa? i've not been naughty all year (lies).

3. umm. idk?
well, i actually only had the idea for those two items above when i started writing. and i hoped a third would come to me as the words flowed. but, no, not really. i can think of a thousand practical thinks i need, but i guess that's subject to debate. a phd scholarship would be nice. maybe something civic like world peace (not really feasible :/) or at least an attainable solution to famine? to the energy crisis?

nah. too self-righteous (and pretentious? i guess). maybe something a bit selfish. but not too much. like undying love or passion for something. or lots of money, hell yeah. i think i'm going to ask santa for a rain check on this one.

oh, and let's not forget the original(albeit tacky clip),

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

time is running out

time is running out. it really is. it doesn't matter who you are, or what you're doing. you're probably just that bit too late. i think we need to be able to take a step back and just let the world pass us by, and not have to suffer the consequences for doing so. but that's all very idealistic.

more pragmatically, i think what we need is coffee. lots and lots of coffee. or maybe i should design a drug that enables humans to not sleep. which, now that i think of it, could be a horrid idea (because i am reminded of the x-files episode where there's this army guy who hasn't slept in decades and ends up with super powers, but when mulder tries this, he gets paranoid and ends up killing the guy).

Monday, 13 December 2010


membaca gurindam bernada sayu,
indah tulisan bagaikan permata,
adakah menjadi tidak melayu,
jika tidak berbicara bahasa?
datang si anak dari pedalaman,
datang tidak membawa buah tangan,
adakah sudah lupa daratan,
jika hendak mengubah pikiran?

tiada berwang, si anak teruna,
maka pulanglah ke kampung halaman,
adakah menjadi anak buangan,
jika bernikahkan gadis perantauan?
sudah dapati tiada berjaya,
maka kiaslah kais dan makan,
adakah betul si anak derhaka,
jika pada tuannya ia melawan?

sedangkan sudah segala dicuba,
sekarang cuma menanti balasan,
adakah betul pemimpin sentiasa,
jika rakyat sentiasa kelaparan?
tiada hasil, teruna berbalah,
dengan bapanya di kampung pinggiran,
adakah sesiapa patut disalah,
jika sekalian dalam kerugian?

ke muara sekali bersampan, sia-sia,
terlanjur sudah ke tengah lautan
adakah layak digelar manusia,
jika kan hidup dalam sendirian?
sesat bersama menampung berat,
sesat seorang di bulan purnama,
adakah bermaksud pantun empat kerat,
jika tiada sesiapa membaca?

going through my old stuff, i found this poem that i wrote who-knows-when. i found it flattering that i actually remember what it's about, and in context of when i wrote it, i was surprised to find that my thoughts have not changed that much.

the gist of the poem is questioning various issues; from the prejudice of gender, race, religion, skin colour and language; to the moral bankruptcy of positions of power (at the time and even moreso now, a government [which we shall not name], but also various other little napoleons). the poem ends with questioning the writer's intent (that's me!) of writing when such things cannot be changed with words, and whether we would be better off being fatalistic, or trying to change. i don't know which i believe in, now.

also, the first two lines of each stanza tell a metaphoric tale of person (son) venturing against tradition, only to fall from grace. he then has a fall out with his father, resulting in his leaving from home, only to be lost (out in sea) from which there is no turning back.

the last two lines read literally, and can be simple posed questions.

oh, and i believe that at this point in time, i was not in the fashion of using a couplet to end my (bad) poetry, unlike how i prefer to now. obviously i'd like to think that it's more complex than that, but yeah, that's pretty much all there is to it.

Friday, 10 December 2010

does not mean

just because she shares your taste in music, does not mean she's the one.
just because she laughs at the things you do, and finds interesting the things you do, does not mean she's the one.
just because you both can talk, for hours on end, and never bore, and only separate ways because of necessity - not choice - does not mean she's the one.
just because she pours her heart, her problems, her very soul upon your ears and conscience and choice, does not mean she's the one.
just because you thought, that by asking God, he would hand you the answer on a golden-laced platter of dreams; and tell you that this does not mean she's the one.
just because you've tried your very best, and close to come off as desperation embodied, does not mean what you would have taken for granted, is all that there was to beseech in the first place.

nay, just because you believed, does not mean anything at all.

so, one should be wary of what one believes; of fate, of destiny, of divine intervention. and just let life take its course.

condolences to kay, and epiphanies for all.

Thursday, 9 December 2010

death of the mamak roti (and other short stories)

two days ago, i was driving down the road, trying to load, i've got seven women on my mind. wait, no. two days ago, i was driving down the road and i saw a sight that i had not seen since i was 15 - the mamak roti. now, i don't want to hear anything about being derogatory and all that, i imply nothing with this phrase, just that that was what we used to call the guy. for those uninitiated, the mamak roti is a guy on a motorcycle, and on the back of the bike is mounted a pretty big metal container. and in and around the container (or pretty much anywhere the mamak can spare) are loaves of bread. the mamak used to ride around every evening and blew his air horn and you could hear it 3km away. my brother and i would normally be playing football (not soccer, mkay) on the street with some friends, and we'd stop him when he arrived so mom or grandma could come out with some cash and get bread for tomorrow. sometimes we'd get the chocolate-filled buns or kaya-filled buns to take to school the next day.

i found out that it's not legal for the mamak roti to come a-callin' around these parts nowadays. how are you faring now, mamak roti?

when we were young, brother and i used to go to morning school. public school timetables were such that you either attended morning (8am - 1pm) or evening (2 - 7pm) sessions. this was the preferable option, as we then had the chance to spend the afternoons and evenings however we liked. this usually meant getting a group of peers and playing football on the road in front of someone's house. needless to say, it was very make-shift: we didn't use shoes, most of us wore the basic selipar jepun. some wore school shoes (you can tell they're the noobs, because this destroys your shoes and mom would get all pissed when you need new ones every 3 weeks), and some played bare-foot. this wouldn't be an issue on a field, except that playing in front of the house equates that hardcore bitumen road. not even the smooth tarmac stuff, it was the pebbly, rough tar road. you'd be thankful to have fallen on sand and scraping your knee, because if you were in a full run and fell on the naked road... man i remember needing stitches above my right eye for that. crazy kids. the goalposts were usually someone's gate (which over time would start gettin all loose, especially when the bigger boys played and went all out kicking the ball) or two bricks propped up courtesy of someone's house being built nearby. and there would always be arguments about if the ball had indeed gone into the imaginary goal or had flown above the (non-existent) horizontal bar. even more so for the short kids (who were forced to play goalie, hah!). we played on a slope, which makes for some pretty fun running uphill, and there was no side-lines bar the ball falling into the drains (or god forbid, the huge storm drain across the main road). man, if the ball fell into that, and you had to pick it out (because you kicked it in there anyways), you'd smell like crap for a couple of days. not even exaggerating.

to be continued...

Sunday, 5 December 2010

my big fat malaysian wedding

it's been a while since i've seen family, and it's always a good place to get back in touch where everyone is celebrating. off the top of my head, i'd place eid celebrations as most auspicious, followed by maybe chinese new year. though half my family is indian, diwali / deepavali isn't such a big thing. i guess mainly because most of them are non-practicing hindus (well, they still do a bit of celebrating, but it's really not as all-out as it was when i was a child), agnostic, or christians now. which makes christmas a bit more joyous, but hey.

it's all about the money -
ang pau, duit raya, and just random bits of cash during diwali. i couldn't find diwali money sachets (which i don't think is part of the tradition anyway) so here's a picture of the next best thing - food. it's a savory desert known as murukku or chakkali. i didn't put one up of the sweet stuff because that gives me transient diabetes-induced comas.

most of my american friends say to me, 'what about new years? and christmas? and thanksgiving?'. yeah. we don't really do that. new years is pretty boring for me, because i won't even go out of the house. christmas is alright, i guess, and thanksgiving is not really something we get a holiday for, but once in a blue moon (maybe once in the past 4 years?) my aunt will get some turkey and we'll all sit down for dinner. but, never you mind all that.

anyway, one of those non-denominational events where it's always a blast is a wedding. chinese weddings, malay weddings, indian weddings, christian weddings, iban weddings - you name it. been there, done that, all awesome with a capital 'a'. which i should have spelled so. irrespective...

yesterday and today are my cousin's wedding ceremonies / receptions. unlike traditional christian weddings where there's one big church ceremony, and the bride and groom are off to who-knows-where, there's usually a small family event of 'akad nikah', and after a day or a week, there's the receptions where the bride and groom are 'displayed' on the 'pelamin'. most of my readers (all 2 out of 3 of them) are malay anyway, so i think you know what i'm talking about.

it's much less somber than the caucasian weddings i've been to. not as much drinking as the chinese ones i've seen. and the bride and groom are a lot more serious than in the wedding ones. but, as with all of them, it's the presence of family and friends in a social free-for-all that really makes the day. anyway, i'm off to the second reception today, and i can already tell it's going to be a blast. man, more of my cousins / siblings should get married while i'm around so i can meet the whole extended family (my father is the 10th child, and each of his brother and sisters have 3 - 6 kids each, some of who have kids of their own. that's just from my grandfather's 2nd wife... he had 3 throughout his lifetime, so the family reunions get pretty huge. and then, there's my mom's side...).

but yeah, one thing i noticed is that my brother and sister were supposed to be here, and i was not, due to some logistic issues. ironically, i'm the only one who's turned up and they're busy elsewhere doing their things. funny how that works out. but it's all good, i'll probably see them at some other point. oshi- gonna be late. etc out!

Friday, 3 December 2010

things that bug you

i've been meaning to comment on the different types of pests i've encountered on my journeys in south-east asia, europe and australia. then i realised that it makes up a pretty long post, even for my standards. but, worry not, i have no intention of boring you with arachnid anecdotes and rodent re-hashes. instead, here are some choice comments on my take of aussie insects compared to more home-grown ones:

1. size does matter

double entendres aside, you should see the size of these things. especially the black ones. ahem. but really, people, i kid you not. in fact, the inspiration for this post comes from me getting into the shower one morning and finding a huge-ass black spider on the window. by the way, the window is located in the showering area, just opposite the showerhead. that basically puts me cowering near the faucet and showerhead, trying to perform some semblance of washing while keeping both eyes on the spider happily basking in the warm water vapour, about an arm's length away from my head. and my potential death. needless to say, stepping out of the shower, i didn't feel much clean.

i think my options were either stepping outside without having used my soap (which sits on the windowsill) or dying a horrible poison-induced death related to some sort of haemolytic anaphylaxis. i think i made the right choice.

getting bitten by this spider will probably not give you spider-powers. you're free to hallucinate that you're a superhero while the toxins slowly digest your innards into a slushy pulp, perfect for the spider's dinner.

2. attitude

ok, you're probably thinking, 'wait, what?'. just bear with me a bit. though the insects down under probably won't be all 'what chu lookin' at?', they will still be up in your grill. the flies and mosquitoes, i've noticed, are a good example, and if you ever find yourself in australia during the summer, you'll know what i mean. the annoying sons of bitches guns know no fear (or sense of personal space). in fact, aussie flies are so notoriously annoying at buzzing in your face, the term 'australian salute' is given to that futile act of trying to keep them at bay. it's okay, though - after a while it becomes second nature and you don't even notice yourself doing it. the mozzies are just as annoying, which brings us to the next point...

3. diseases

well, i am supposed to be an infectious disease student, so it's only natural that i spread my propaganda here. it's pretty logical that the different insects back home spread different diseases, so i'll give you the lowdown:

- no real chance of you getting malaria in australia (yay)
- dengue is pretty much eveerywhere (oh well)
- there's a couple of viruses you may never even have heard of outside the locality. ross river virus, barmah forest virus, and some wacky bat lyssavirus (yeah, yeah, bats aren't insects. still). they're all out there to get you. oh, random fact: the lyssavirus is pretty much rabies, but the australian government won't acknowledge that because they need to define them differently so that they can claim australia as rabies-free. whatever floats your boat, i guess.

they're only cute until they give you bat rabies. again, don't count on becoming batman.
- ticks are nasty things. they give you everything from lyme disease to babesiosis to (possibly) q fever. you don't get that nasty sh*t back home. unless your home is america, then you might want to consider rocky mountain spotted fever etc. anyway...

yeah this is getting boring. i just realised how much you could write on this because you could just find some obscure disease and do a checklist about it... so let's keep moving.

4. random batsh*t crazy stuff

ok if all this hasn't scared you off from ever visiting australia, rest assured that there's a jungle of creepy crawlies just jonesing to sink their fangs/stingers/spines/you-don't-want-to-know into your sorry @$$.

ever heard of the funnel web spider? top ten deadliest things in the world. they're actually a group of 30+ different spiders, but i don't think you'd be arguing about taxonomy when your life is slowly ebbing away and you start seeing that bright white light leading you to heaven (i'm assuming you've been a good boy/girl).

it's big. it's black. and you don't want it anywhere near you. (more double entendres)
not all that glitters is gold, not all that is going to r*pe your @$$ is going to be a spider (or insect). snakes, scorpions, platypuses and octopuses are all standing at the ready to turn your holiday in to the trip to hell you so rightly deserve (i'm assuming you've been a bad boy/girl).

i particularly like how pretty this one is. it makes me think 'ooo, how pretty. i'm going to touch the cutesy little octoplwwwooooooo (sound of you becoming a spactic-paralysed blob of goo).

well, i think that's enough for now. i can think of a few other points, but i think we all get the big picture now. what awesome killer creepers exist in your locality? ninja-assassin frogs? zombie kittens? cyborg tarantula jesus?

Thursday, 2 December 2010

if home is where the heart is, then we're both just effed

10 points if you know where those lyrics are from.

incidentally, this entry is written as i am sitting at home, having nothing to do. it kinda sucks that i'm here on holiday (kinda) and everyone whom i normally hang out with is busy working, or isn't around here. i guess everyone's gone and grown up. living elsewhere, having families of their own, jobs, kids... wtf.

i have to say, i feel very much left behind in all this, but that doesn't mean i'm getting bummed down by it. with all change comes good and bad, and i honestly like the way things are going for me (kinda). there's probably 3 or 4 things i'd like to have changed, but who can say they don't, eh?

anyway, with the coming couple of months, providing i settle stuff efficiently, i'm hoping to properly blog again, as opposed to the though-the-motions stuff i've been putting up for the last couple of months. it's been a very stressful time, academically, financially, romantically, personally and physically; and to be honest, i really welcome some relax time.

unfortunately for me, relax time usually entails watching movies, lurking the web, playing basketball and reading books - and i have no reliable computer (this old-ass mac is so old, it won't play anything), no reliable interwebz for lurking or gaming, no peeps to shoot some hoops. so i guess it's a trip to the bookstore later today to check out some books. it sucks that i didn't do this back in perth, because i personally find the choice of books back home very wanting. especially when it comes to classics. oh well, maybe i'll brave up and venture to the city for a bit. who knows?

also, on a side note, i wish a certain someone would stop breaking my heart :( and it's not kiki dee.

Saturday, 27 November 2010

(you) vs. the world

i am an avid movie-goer. hmmm, that doesn't sound right. i used to be an avid movie-goer. back home, where movies are cheap, i wouldn't think twice about popping into the cinema to catch even a b-grade movie. sure, i'd criticise the hell out of it afterwards, but i'd go watch it. maybe. if a couple of friends wanted to watch it, too. and they paid for my ticket.

but nowadays, even when it's a good movie (not that i can tell before going to watch it), i find myself second-guessing the decision to go watch. it would have to be pretty awesome, and it'd have to be a social outing (yeah, i used to watch movies by myself from time to time. sad as it sounds, it's actually pretty fun, especially when it's cheap as per above. don't knock it if you haven't tried). in fact, the only movie i've watched at the cinema this year is inception (this line sounds familiar, maybe i've written this before...) and yes, it's a pretty awesome movie.

so, recently, i got around to watching scott pilgrim vs. the world. say what you like, it's pretty epic. i mean, indie bands? old skool videogames? cult classic references? american comics and manga influences? how can you not love this?

i guess it's a personal thing. maybe an acquired taste? because amongst my friends, it's kinda hit-or-miss. some loved it (mostly americans and a couple of aussies) and some hated it (mostly asians? i dunno, something like that). just like the reception i got from asking about speed racer. but that's a different story. in any case, i loved it, and had i known it would be that legend-wait-for-it-awesome, i would have gone to the cinema.

normally i'd go on here to write about why the movie is awesome (which would only make sense, especially for those who haven't watched it. yeap that one person who hasn't. ha, you're way more out of date than me! ha. again. ha!). but i'll cut you guys a break this time. yay.

i guess the next logical step would be to find the comics the movie is based on.

p/s: i do not like imdb and it's rating system. it's just so misleading. and the 'also liked' feature? goddamn horrible. how could they recommend 'wanted' for people who liked 'the incredibles' (the latter being full of win, and the former... let's just not go there).

also a rarrrrr movie

p/p/s: omg scott pilgrim was released on my bday? wtffffffff. i shoulda treated myself or something.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

dreaming of demons, dreaming of diamonds

i once had a dream of sanguine-red roses;
pretty chinese girls striking fake 'peace' poses;
of rabbits who twitch their (cute!) little noses;
where buddha can laugh with muhammad and moses.

i remember, too, seeing in peripheral sight,
what might be misconstrued as bright shining light;
but, nay, 'tis not such, a will-o'-the-wisps,
instead 'twas a jabberwocky with no fists!

he came up to me, but could never quite focus,
upon his whole body, for his hocus pocus,
was truly unique, i lie to you not,
as truly and honest, as leaves, herbs and pot.

but, anyway, this is of minor import,
just like the fact that he drank much wine and port;
but never he seemed to be even tipsy,
or sad, or happy, or dispair or quite mimsy.

he said to me, 'hark! who does interlope?'
'upon my domain, of beauty and hope?'
'who dares here defile what i have kept true?'
'this is not place for you, you, you or you.'

he pointed his finger, menacing and straight,
directed and directing my very fate;
i bore little courage, puppies be my witness!
like persian kittens, i have reduced fitness.

and stifled a cough, i did muster true,
resounding in voice i asked 'who are you?'
'forgive my trespass, mean no disrespect,
i've come here by accident, to see and inspect,
the sublime realm that you have kept to yourselves;
'tis filled with gay faeries, bold sprites and bright elves.'

'that is none of your concern, mortal being,'
he sighed with a rumble, though what did it mean?
proceeded to banish me into the darkness,
of nightmares and terrors, haunting eerie madness.

and here i awoke, to find i'd passed out,
upon the cold floor, from punch, blow and clout;
upon my bare breast sat sinister vile imp,
who wore a black smile, his limbs all in limp;
he cackled a nefarious vile incantation,
which spoke of foreboding quiet contemplation.

i ventured an old, potent word of warding,
i was but too weak, t'was all i'm affording;
again the familiar's ominous laugh,
resounded with fury - i'd incurred its wrath!

but, solemnly worry, i'd not in the least -
he would not intimidate me, this foul beast;
so further i chanted my prayer, my salve;
only to find its effects half and halve.

though seemed the imp to grow much feeble, forlorn;
the echo was clear, he's chanting along!
i let out a whimper, he stopped, some respite;
i could not put up any form of a fight.

in jabberwocky i fatalistic trust;
in god, in dreams, in nightmares i must,
not forget to offer praise to the deities;
and hope for relent, compassion and pities.
or maybe i should appeal to this fiend;
from dogma and cliches, oh, i should be weaned;
but, nay! i shouldn't! hope does wait eternal;
one does not bargain and plea with these infernals.

so i lay in wait, resigned and morose,
in what future lies these hollow death throes?
and suddenly i am blinking awake,
'what's this', i think, 'have i cheated fate?'

the cursed begone, no trace and no sight,
be banished, foul demon! be banished by light!
oh, joy, for the absence of ghost and of wight,
through window shines freedom, sun's warmth prevails bright!

to friends, and to foes, this listless, bored tale,
will serve a reminder when you're old and frail;
beware the jabberwocky, fringe 'pon his world not;
for fear of the devils, who wither and rot,
whomever would test and folly temptations,
then indulge in rudeness, excess exacerbations,
to you waits a gift, a pleasant short trip,
flay hips with sting whips, shrill cries and bit lips;
upon you, a curse, from which lies salvation,
in jars of moon gold dust, and ironic situations.

i leave you for now, i leave you with this: do ponder repercussions of dreaming so wander;
do not ask me how, seek not such false bliss - leave lone well alone, don't tarry or wonder.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

how do you feel?

although i would have liked to be asking of how you feel, this was not the intent of this post. but, since we've gone there anyway, how do you feel? i hope your description is laden with happy and positive descriptions, if not in word then at least in body and context. however, as i have implied, this is the question i would have liked to have posed, but it is not.

instead, i was thinking of how i am such a fuddy-duddy at heart. an old, decrepit, sage of willful and hopeless romanticism. of pondering thoughts and cliched gestures. i was thinking of how life and love have changed, and how i have not changed with them.

how do you feel about private walks in the park? of lying under an umbrella on a hot, sunny beach with no words to speak to each other? how do you feel of hidden flirty messages folded in teacups and under the saucers? of smiley faces drawn on your hand? how do you feel of love letters? and not moving to scratch that itch when one has fallen asleep on your shoulder for fear you would wake? and reading books on the train while silently smiling into the pages, thinking of one another? how do you feel of subtle gestures that are unknown to anyone but yourself? of secret signals? of nuances in a smile? how do you feel, of and for, the lost love for romance, the lost romance for love?

ask yourself this, and you might find that you don't really need to wait till valentine's day or someone's birthday to do that something you wanted to do but never could because everyone's just so busy. ask this, and maybe you think that these are wastes of time, which could be better put to working on something substantial. i care not, for i ask this only to myself, as you should to yourself.

how do you feel, for the loss of romance, and how she should have found her way to lush green forests, but only finds herself in a neverending, arid desert of forgottenness and bereft? how do you feel for your wanting heart, for the wanting heart of someone else?

Friday, 19 November 2010

serial serial watcher

here i sit in solemn thought, signing the signs of silly states, writing the wiles while i wily wait. and, though forlorn for long, and forever irate, 'tis folly to faulty fashioned by fate. my examinations are ere ended and evermore passed by, though eschewed had i for as long as i could, procrastinated and pondered for what i might endeavour to please what eager comes before education.

so, while that is done and suddenly surpassed, it is now superseded by boredom temporary. but rest assured this is not to be right, for write, shall i write and for this right i turn right - and herein lies the analogy to wright, but not of wood, instead wright of paper (though one may argue that paper is wood only replaced); for to turn left would be to remain idle and take flight like the wrights.

barring these blatantly brevities of boredom, i am armed with sufficient plans for the coming days, and as such have bought and brought it upon myself to view many movies and series. yes, it is time to use up that 500 gb bandwidth, and believe that (with sufficient patience and promises) i may paddle through such piddle and bargain with such middle (of ground and of mind, of time and of riddle).

but distraught! doom, i say, doom! and much delay. for i cannot fathom of deranges or pathos of dementia! hark, i say, hark! and much thought. for i cannot heart the thought of needing to be taught of the taut, and the tight, and the might. which is basic to say, without binary at bay, that before this i am befuddled with not knowing and questioning burden. hmmm, think, i say, think!

so far as of yet, i like the idea, of forgetting and forlorning my worldly woes, with fringe and friends and maybe futurama. and of course, i have mad men, and mayhap how i met your mother, or house? but how would i know which whos are what one wants?

tldr: i'm bored and am looking for some good telly series to download and watch. please suggest me some, such that i can finish up the remainder of my 500gb bandwidth and spend the summer days wasting away (unless i get a job, goddamnit)

Monday, 15 November 2010

sigh, why have you abandoned me, fate and fortune?

O Fortuna
velut luna
statu variabilis,
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem,
dissolvit ut glaciem.

Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis,
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris.

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!

Thursday, 11 November 2010


this is why you don't want to be eating (strawberry flavoured) yogurt, while studying medically-related stuff.

i'll put up some parasite pictures, and tell you how i lose my appetite for pasta / noodles next. fun times.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

sick as sick does

i always manage to fall sick exactly as the exams come around. so much, that a long time ago, i've learned to just shrug it off and get down to the crux of things. everyone has their disabilities or debilitating issues (not just at exam times, but throughout the year).

but, this time, i have fallen ill to a very serious disease, three diseases, apparently, and i fear i will not recover well enough. and this is very disconcerting - not just for my exams but for the future and what it may hold, because this time 'round, things seem very pivotal. very streamlining. very leading.

a curse of flesh, which though seemingly resolving, may leave scars and minor ulcerations for quite a time (goddamn you, itch!). a malediction of the heart, and i have scheduled an appointment for this (hopefully it's just muscular, but the doctor might want an ecg just in case). and a taint of the mind, but this is always a passing fancy, and i am sure leads nowhere.

annnnnd, back to reading journals and reviews.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

the insight...

so busy these days... anyway. because i'm kinda pressed for time, here's some half-assed post. some friends and i used to discuss the economic downturn in 2008... all that black rock and lehman brothers stuff... and man, is that stuff elaborate. no, i'm not going to post it here in this meager post, but, watching southpark (when i say i'm pressed for time! the hypocrisy!) gave me an episode that really did a swell job in explaining the situation... kinda. just gotta do a bit of background reading and you'll see that it actually is more thought through than half the articles out there on the whole situation. a whole 2 years after the crisis. oh yeah, and the jesus references never get old. sweet kyle jesus!

it's episode 3 of season 13, margaritaville. which can be viewed here.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

from the outside

i have a friend, kay. that is his pseudonym. his alias, his moniker, his nickname. like all persons i know mentioned in this blog, including myself, anonimity is kay, and kay is anonymous.

kay has approached me sometime in the past few weeks. he is strong and independent, real and astute. he is many things, but he is not someone fueled by emotions - he is definitely someone who hides behind a facade of smiles and nods. and because of this, i can never tell what kay is feeling, past the sincerity of his answers when i ask him, 'how are you?'

kay has approached me sometime in the past few weeks. he is sobbing relentlessly, but makes no sound. his sobbing is in the tremor of his voice, the tremble of his unsinging words. where there used to be poetry and dance, now lies epithets of solemnity and allusions of death. i wonder to myself, what misfortune has befallen kay, and why is it only now that i see him for who he is?

kay and i watch movies regularly. one of the movies we watched recently is 'youth in revolt', that movie starring michael cera. neither of us is a big fan of his, but this movie is interesting somewhat. it is kind of fresh, though surreal and for pragmatists like us, it is actually funnier than it is anything else.

at the end, kay is contemplative, and i ask him, why so serious? he tells me that all is lost in love and war, and since he is at war with none but himself, he is lost to and in love. though this does not shock me, i am propelled into a series of questions kay is reluctant to answer, only to this he says that i do not understand.

dear kay, there is none who understands less, and none who understands more. to every fall of man and elevation of the idea of him, i am no different than what makes us frail and vulnerable and empathic. upon your request, now i set to write an ode to that which props man up, and to you i wish you never read it. fare you well, and swift recovery, lest it affects and effects you in more ways than you are kay.

best wishes.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010


here's something quite interesting i found today: transparency international conducts a yearly 'who's more corrupt' survey. their methodology is not the best, but i guess it's what we have to work with. i don't personally agree with quite a few results but, hey, who am i to say? i didn't do hours of research etc etc. anyway, here's a list and for the more visually inclined, a visual interactive map! (i like the latter one). and for a quick overview, the higher the index number, the better off the country is doing i.e. less corruption. again, don't take it too seriously, i guess, but it's something that definitely got my thoughts rolling (while i should be studying).

son of a female dog google australia

yep, those are my sentiments exactly. except in more profane language. why, you ask? only because when i tried to log into blogger, it kept redirecting me to the login page. over. and over. and over. and over again. it's like a perpetual loop, only the horrible twilight zone kind.

i'm not entirely sure what the problem was, but i tried deleting my cache, and clearing my cookies, and resetting my password etc. apparently there was some notification to verify my e-mail account, too (which i had already done ages ago, but hey, i did it again just in case). and there was a problem logging out of because apparently i was signed into too many accounts at once. to my knowledge, i only have one google account, so i'm not entirely sure what's going on there.

basically it was just one big clusterfuck mess. for about 5 hours. did i mention it kept redirecting me to the login page? yeah pretty much that.

so instead of a post, here, you get to enjoy one of my re-visited childhood (awesomeness) favourite movies. man, i always wondered what the hell a quintuplet of black coloured girls were doing in greek higher-up society. singing, too! pow there bows my mind. but i don't really know much about ancient greek demographics and social caste, so maybe it's entirely plausible. that and the fact that they're also stone sculptures etc. nevertheless, awesome song. and the hairstyles! putting prince to shame, you go disney!

(but then hades comes and cockblocks megara's emo / lovey-dovey hissyfit. aw yeah, gotta earn that 'lord of the netherwold, ruler of the undead' title).

Thursday, 14 October 2010

meanwhile, in bat country...

i am still searching...
for a cure for this...
depression that grips.

my every being...
it's every wish...
throws me into delirious fits.

but there cannot...
be more than one expression...
which i use as a continual facade...
and to this i search, eternally with mirth, but answers are only for God.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

streetside poetry ii

more infectious poetry while i sort out some stuff related to work and health!

dear God today is quite humid,
it's good for bacterium and virus,
oh yeah, baby, take that plasmid,
via my elongated pilus.

(mmm dirty poetry. you know you like that.)

L is for the way you leech off me,
O is for is parasitology,
V is very, very, bad immunology,
E is even more than any virus i abhor...

i hide in academic environment,
it makes me feel so safe from fear,
oh, my, is that an ethical statement?
get me far away from here!

why should singapore give us their money?
besides drinking our milk and honey?
well, once they start getting bouts of dengue,
lol, wait that's actually quite funny.

(i have nothing against singaporeans, really! this is in jest. i kid, i kid. oyy)

and the following is from a lecture on what happens to your shit after you take a dump sanitasation - from its origins in the roman empire to the dark ages to stuff that happens now...

a great empire, vast thy spanned,
from china to turkey to france,
ga ga oh lala,
want your bad romans...

almost the dark ages,
one might say,
'well, that's the story of my life!'
(every frsckn day).

miasma theory,
that of foul airs,
i dream of unicorns and lions,
and ever-late, white hares.

john snow's name is repeated,
about once every hour;
i hate when silly yanks pronounce,
that flour as 'flower'.
john snow's name is repeated,
about once every hour;
i hate when silly brits pronounce,
that flour as 'flaar'.

some things make me really puke,
much more than salmonella,
those things of werewolves and vampires,
of edward and of bella.

cow dung has caused calamities,
of severity unheard;
actually it's bloody diarrhoea,
(bloody's not a swear word).

'til next time, chums.

Sunday, 3 October 2010

this is why i'm doing science, and didn't become a streetside poet.

when i sit in lectures, especially ones that are air-conditioned, i have a tendency to inspect the back of my eyelids. they're pretty fascinating. however, i've found that this isn't sound practice for the whole academia / work / research / slacking off thing. and so, i doodle. more often than not, i make up horrible poetry. last week has been an intensive course on epidemiology of infectious and communicable diseases, so here are some gems from my wily wills:

three cyclones are on the run,
three cyclones are so much fun;
three cyclones to make my day,
oh look, they've gone away :(

down the pyramid we all go,
tip the iceberg, back-up flow,
up the hill let us all climb,
all in effort for a dime.

spare parts, spare parts, i can't remember,
oh, God, why is it already september?
that's all from me, 'til tea at two,
the worst is 'horton hears a who'.

then all went downhill when i started integrating some vague things the lecturers were saying into the poems. i guess once you've hit rock bottom, it's time to start digging there's nowhere left to go but up?

Monday, 27 September 2010

google autofill. also, derailment of thought.

google autofill does the weirdest crap. i'm sure all the memeticly-inclined lurkers are already typing out 'old meme is old'. in their 400 wpm blaze of light. only pausing to refresh another forum window. i hate you all.

*ahem*. google autofill. i run a shitty old powerbook g4. some (all) of my tech-savvy friends groan and whine when they hear about it. and believe me, you can hear all about it from a mile away. the nearest resemblance of sound i can quote to you of my laptop's fan is that of an aeroplane taking off. one of those big ones, i think a380 is a good comparison. and no, stop trying to make me type airplane. here, have more cheese with that whine.

anyway, back to relevance... i run a shitty old powerbook g4. and it takes forever for stuff to load up. so, when i use google to search for stuff (guys, i know where your mind is going, but surely you use more sophisticated tools than google to help you... pass the time... fluff the garfeild... whatever it is you call your happy time). but yeah.

takes forever to load stuff up. so i never really notice google's autofill doing stuff. it just takes longer than i can type stuff out, and usually i know what stuff i want to check out, anyway, so the point is moot. also, i have google search embedded in my toolbar somewhere... so autofill doesn't get triggered most of the time.

anyway. last night i was using the old-skool google for something, i dunno. and i typed out 'is it wrong...' and left it at that to go answer the phone. don't ask me what i was googling up (oh hey, hello google as a verb). i really can't remember, i was pretty much half asleep already at the time. so i come back, and autofill has some really weird crap going on.

'is it wrong to sleep with my mother/sister/aunt/brother'
heck, pretty much every suggestion was 'is it wrong to sleep with [someone]'

seriously, what is wrong with the world, today? what day did i fall asleep and wake up only to have missed some international bill where sleeping around is acceptable, popular, trendy, and; dare i say; encouraged? not just normal sleeping around, but with members of your immediate family / old people (god, that's gross) / the neighbour's dog / [equally disturbing image here]?

Saturday, 25 September 2010

mangina and its synonyms

some time ago i wrote about the conceptual penis and its caveats. after since, i have been receptive to other words in search of a better term. so far the normal stuff are like mangina, breasticles, vagenis etc etc. and i just can't find something that fits the bill.

on one hand, i think this is because the concept i'm trying to convey (not that it's a new one, in any way), and on the other, i think this is because i'm not even sure what it is a definition should encompass and hold.

in any case, i think this is a concept well worth mulling about. and i fully intend to find a good definition so that one day, maybe i can use it in a conversation and people will actually know what i'm talking about.

ah, i procrastinate my work too much.

Monday, 20 September 2010

all your time are belong to us

i am only 30. the average life expectancy in a developed country is about 80 years. i have all the time in the world.

i am only sick. terminal cancer patients can live for a median of 1.2 months. or even up to years, if i'm lucky. i have all the time in the world.

i am only a single conscript in an endless war. it's a matter of days before we are shelled out of our foxholes. i have all the time in the world.

i am only here because of the sins of my past. one last meal for a deathrow inmate, one last passage from the bible from an ever-believing pastor. the hours tick 'til the sentence is at hand. i have all the time in the world.

i am only crying out for help and attention. but as my life oozes out of my body as my sanguine blood drips from the lacerations on my wrist, i wonder where the white light leads to. i will know in mere minutes. i have all the time in the world.

i am only trying to make the world a better place. as the sound of a sniper rifle echoes from a distance, i know the whistling bullet is seconds away from impacting my skull. i have all the time in the world.

i am only a fictional character in a fictional world of fictional disasters and fictional ends. nuclear fallout has never looked so unintimidating. picoseconds before all is lost. i have all the time in the world.

Friday, 17 September 2010

the life and times of idolatry

some time ago (in fact, it was not too long ago), man was infatuated with fermina. in fact, one could say that man was infatuated with the idea of fermina; not who she is but what she stood for.

then, in the light of un-acceptance and distancing, man's body would heal, his mind would forget and his spirit would forgive. but his heart would never be free.

this would not have been a problem, had the red queen's reign come into being with steadfast and unrelenting precision. but, being the queen that she is, there is no monarchy, no matriarchy, no dictatorship. there is only promise of a promise.

and now, wanting what one might want from the world, but unable to attain it without worldliness, fermina re-introduces herself to man, and insomuch as begging as much as requesting for wanting, we question the sitting of man's heart -

does it sit on a throne, or does it lie upon a pedestal?

such is the life of blind idolatry.

Monday, 13 September 2010

peter the carp

peter is a carp. he is a type of fish that people keep because he has pretty orange and black spots on his silvery, shiny skin. peter is a big carp. he is the biggest fish in his pond. every day, all the other fish would tell him, 'wow, peter. you are the biggest koi we have ever seen!' and this would please peter very much. sometimes he would think to himself that he is the king of all fishes. and sometimes, especially when he dreamed at night, peter would realise that he is the biggest fish in all the world.

one day, peter's owner, pat, decided that peter was so big, that he had to be moved away. this made peter feel extremely sad, as he was leaving all his close fish friend behind. but, it also made him feel very excited, because it meant that he was a really big fish, and maybe, he would be moved to a place where there were other big fish! but, of course, they would not be as big as he was. they, too, would then see peter as a king of fishes, and he would make new friends. and all of them would tell him that 'peter, what a big fish you are! we wish we were as big and beautiful as you are'.

so the day came when peter would move. all the fish said their goodbyes and farewells. and with a tear in his eye, peter bid them all a fond departure, and left for his new home - a place pat called 'the big blue sea'.

reaching his new home, peter felt slightly anxious! there were no walls, like his old pond. there was no bottom that he could see or feel or even imagine. there was no crowded little nook or comfortable tunnel in which peter could huddle in. oh, dear. this will not do at all. all there was, was an endless deep blue. peter was all alone, too. soon he began to be afraid. but he thought to himself 'well, since there are no more limits here, and there are no other fish around, i shall just grow and grow and grow. i will grow until i am the biggest fish in the world (although i already am) and when i am big enough, everyone and every fish will see me. they will all think "my, what a huge fish that is. i wish i were as enormous as him!" and then, i will be able to make all the friends i need!' this thought put a very big smile on his face.

soon peter began to explore the sea, and as he swam farther away from where he was released, he began to see all sorts of fish. 'this is already working out as i had planned! oh, joy!' he thought. and he began to eat as much as he could, trying his best to be the biggest fish that he could be (although, seeing all these new fish, he already knew he was the biggest fish in all the world. it could not hurt to be even bigger, though). so he ate, and he swam, and he ate and he swam, and in his mind he was growing ever so bigger each time (even though he actually wasn't).

peter swam deeper and it got colder. peter met very new types of fish. there were fish that looked like snakes! there were fish that looked like pancakes! there were fish that looked like balls and mace-heads! there were fish that just didn't look like fish. but, in all their strangeness, all these fish were not as big as peter, and that's all that counts.

deeper, peter swam. faster, peter swam. farther, peter swam. and soon, everything was dark, and cold, and peter could see nothing more than a pitch black. and here, peter viewed the most fantastic fish in the entire world. some fish held lanterns above their heads, some fish wore colourful skins, some fish had no eyes, and some fish had very, very sharp teeth. soon, peter realised that the fish were, indeed getting very big. though the fish were bigger than he already, in his eyes, peter was just that much longer to make him the longest, just that much heavier to make him the heaviest, just that much bigger to make him the biggest.

and on peter swam, 'til he was lost entirely in the darkness. in a place where there are whales and sharks and giant squid and a whole series of uncategorised fish. and things that are not fish. and what happens to peter? it is too dark for us to tell. some say he was eaten by the fish he sought so hard to beat in size. some say he grew larger than any of them all, and became the biggest fish in the world. some say he just faded away into the darkness.

* koi are fresh-water fish, and would die if placed in the sea. this is a children's story, stop hating.

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

of chicken, mutton and turkey

for those of us living abroad, with penniless pockets and unwavering needs (or wants), there comes a time every so often, where you have to make a decision on how to cut down on expenses. for me, the obvious choice has always been regarding food. i cannot imagine how people survive eating out every day, so for those who do, pardon my ignorance. for the others amongst us who have to slave over proverbial and literal hot stoves, those who have to brave the perils of grocery-shopping lines, those of us who wane and wax in the comparison between product prices and relative quality, read on.

the every so often i speak of usually comes towards the end of the month, when money is at a dwindling low. or for those people who get it every three months, then okay, it's three months. or for those lucky bastards who mooch of their parents are born into some eastern european royal family, that time never comes. and i hate you so much. *ahem*

so yeah, need to cut down expenditures on food. in conjunction with the fasting month of ramadhan, this means that i just skip all food expenses altogether. it's pretty amazing. every day, i will just turn up to uni, spend the afternoon at the lab and get some work done (which is an extra perk, as i usually don't do anything resembling work). and when the evening comes, off to the uni musolla we go, for free iftar. aw yeah, that's how i roll.

the free food is usually chicken or mutton curry with briyani rice. it's pretty awesome. at any rate, it's way better than anything i can conjure up using the magic of microwave. somehow i've developed a taste for the mutton. mmmm. probably because even when i have to get my own food, i usually get chicken on account of it being the cheapest meat i can get. and as we all know, the more expensive something is, the better tasting it is. except oysters. blegh.

and so this brings us to the end of ramadhan, and it's now time to view the moon to determine when syawal is - the first day of eid al fitr. normally, ramadhan is 29 or 30 days in length, and so i just assumed that it would fall on a friday or saturday, here in perth. but it seems that the powers that be have also decided that eid should fall on thursday. what the currypuff jesus is happening? i always thought it was all about the unity of the ummah and all that jazz. being the perpetually confused person that i am, i sought to find out the source of this disparancy. sure enough, the theme of the month could not stray any further from food, for you see, the culprit in determining the day of eid falling on thursday was no other than turkey.

Monday, 30 August 2010

how your best friend could be an alien chameleon spy. from outer space!

don't be surprised, fooled or appalled. this may be more likely than you think. having been sick with strep throat, strep ear, strep tongue and strep liver over the past weeks, i have undergone many physiological changes and adaptations, throughout which it has come to me: 'hey. why is it i notice some people do the same things, but to them all this sh*t is normal?' that's just wrong.

here's some examples of telltale signs that your friend may be not of the homo sapiens species. and genus, to be pedantic:

1. sleeping more than 18 hours a day. this is ridiculous. i know some people are getting old (points away from myself). but 18 hours. really. it's like bejamin button took a crap in my breakfast and decided to infect me with whatever... thing... he has. and no, i don't know if it's transmissible in that way, get off my case. and while we're on that, that's another thing, i totally... zzz...

2. metabolic activity drops to -10 when it's cold. i used to love the cold. it sure as hell beats the tropical sun blasting uv death into your face every day of the year. but then, i had to go and study in the uk. and sweet frostbitten toes jesus does winter suck. i take back everything i have ever said to belittle the sun. everything. in fact, let me say it up straight, right now: mr. sun. i love you so much. even more than a mother loves her newly born child. even more than how fat kids love chocolate. even more than how there is love lost on fermina. seriously, never leave me again. ahem. and snow is the work of the devil. how ironic is that. fez will tell you more about this (i don't remember if i've got this episode right, and the internet is super slow here at my workplace house, so i'm just playing this by ear. if i've got the wrong episode, someone point me in the wrong direction):

... which has absolutely nothing to do with that metabolism thing i was talking about... but never mind this. you get my drift.

3. eating everything in sight. apparently, it goes both ways (that's what she said, oh!). some people eat loads when they're sick and some people eat nothing. so, we can't really say that someone might be an alien based on how much (s)he eats. however, what that person eats is a very telltale sign - just like a chameleon, these potential aliens will eat anything and everything. i kid you not. i mean, just the other day i ate 5 day old rice. 5. day. old. it tasted horrible, but at the time it didn't feel that way. then there's the attempt to eat oyster. now, don't get me wrong, a lot of people enjoy eating slimy, bacteria-and-virus-laden, toxic muscle of stomach agony. and that's fine with them. but for someone who has tried it and actively despises such vile and rancid things, even attempting to try it was... ugh.

4. the power of persuasion. come on. any good spy should be able to change your mind by some means or another. i'm talking jedi mind tricks. men who stare at goats. socratic logic. don corleone threats. whatever it takes. but, all these are human-based and are flawed. real aliens do it hypnotoad style. all bow to hypnotoad.

5. forgetting things. yea, i know it's pretty common for infections to effect your mind. especially with cases of upper respiratory tract infections, which go on to have meningitis effects. but the, you have that really awkward thing where you are in mid sentence and forget what you were... wait, what was i saying?

6. secretly going missing every few hours. for me, this was disappearing to the wc and flushing from my system the contents of lunch. breakfast and last night's dinner, too, sometimes. i'll spare you the details. but, in the case of alien chameleons (who obviously don't use the toilet, like humans do), they'll disappear all the time to an undisclosed and unknown location. which, i hypothesise, is to their secret beam-me-up-scotty devices to transmit useless information back to the mother-brain.

check if your best friend has one of these in the backyard.

7. blanking out every once in a while. i'm embarrassed to say this, but when i'm thoroughly sick, i can't control myself. kind of like barney in a bar with hot chicks. college-girl-five. but yeah, i'm not talking about libido (although, we could move on to this, next, if that's your kind of thing. and you're of the opposite gender). ahem. sometimes i'm just walking along and feel a mild attack of postural hypotension coming along (you can tell i spend most of my sick days in bed). then. boom. nothing but black. and i find myself on the floor wondering how i got there, with memories vaguely coming back, accompanied by the throbbing pain that radiates from the spot on my cranium where i hit the floor first. which sometimes happens to be on my forehead. great reflexes there, i know. and how this relates to alien chameleons. well, from watching the discovery channel, apparently, they fall off trees randomly sometimes. and i can only imagine them going through the same thing, except for them this isn't because of sickness, but is a normal happenstance.

8. inane infatuation with mundane things. wow. this pencil. it's amazing!

9. forgetting things. yea, i know it's pretty common for infections to effect your mind. especially with cases of upper respiratory tract infections, which go on to have meningitis effects. but the, you have that really awkward thing where you are in mid sentence and forget what you were... wait, what was i saying?

10. changing colours. you may wonder why i have left this 'til the last part. chameleons and changing colours. duh. but this would be wayyyyy too obvious a giveaway. come on, humans going purple, green, yellow, or any other colour of the rainbow. well, purple isn't a colour of the rainbow, i get it, calm the eff down. violet. there. here, have a picture of a rainbow lightning, just because it's awesome.

but yeah, i'm not talking about literal colours. more like mood, affect and all that psychological jazz. if you've seen a pms-ing chick, you know that moods can swing like a 40's jitterbug. and sick people have reason to do the same. well, really sick people.

now, alien chameleons were never brought up to deal with emotions like humans were. heck, even some humans weren't. but anyway, chameleons aren't on best terms with emotions. so if you see someone just randomly changing from emotional blue to emotional green to emotional red. something's probably up.

and that's it. god, that was long. i'm not an alien.

Saturday, 28 August 2010

professor ted

i've been catching up on a lot of 'how i met your mother' lately. like 2 seasons-worth in a week. awesome and legend-wait-for-it-ary. but that also means that my work has been... quality challenged. borderline impaired. but let's have none of that. because, that's just depressing, and if we can all learn from barney one thing, and one thing only, it's this: denial is the first step to escapism into a world that is just plain. awesome.

anyway. the reason i bring up himym is the following; i've always related to ted as a character. not to say that i am in any way like him, but just that i relate to a lot of things that he stands for. monogamy (although this may be better represented in marshall and lily). romanticism. keeping a straight nose for things. idealisms. pacifism. all that jazz.

but i also empathise (and sympathise) with some of his caveats and pitfalls. and do them from time to time. yeah. like his emotional involvement. although i didn't ever perform a 'mosby'. his tendency to overlook things and only see the signs and telltales which serve or support his agenda (the stella and the leaving him at the altar arc. cold bloodeeddddddd). persnickety about details and constantly correcting little things (even though he may not be in the right, in the first place) [is't pronounced encyclo-pay-de-ya. right.]. all that jazz.

and so, at the end of season 4 (yeah i know season 5 is coming to an end, calm down, i'll watch it when i download the whole season at some point. no spoilers kkthx), when ted becomes professor ted. pow. blew. my. mind.

also, i've come to notice a few easter eggs that are off the hook. season 3 episode 14, at the very end. barney writes in his blog, which is, oddly and dull enough, white, boring text on a blue background. wow, what stupid blog could be lamer? this is barney. his blogs should have explosions and lasers and naked cheerleaders. right? blogging-five. but, for those too young to remember, (and here's a hint, the theme song plays in the background as he types, and the starting text is oh-so-reminiscent of another series), here's the give-away... it's a reference to the very series that got nph famous in the first place, doogie howser, m.d.!

then, in season 4 episode 15, he goes on a rant about how 'tyler' is such a horri-wait-for-it-ble actor, and says, 'call me crazy, but child actors were way better back in the 80's'. BAM. he can barely keep a straight face while saying this, ha! self-reference-five, what up!?

anyway. yeah, i just ran out of material to talk about. 'til next time, folks. now i gotta go watch me some doctor who. i heard it's awesome.

Friday, 20 August 2010


remember boys and girls,
before you cross the road, so scary;
look left, look right, look far ahead,
of the rook you must be wary.
he comes, so obvious,
his strides don't vary.
he picks off kids,
who stop and tarry.

because, unlike alice, poor girl,
you shan't stop to count beads of rosary,
or smell the roses, chrysanthemums unfurl,
while merchants stamp them in their fury.
in any case, the rook is harsh,
a castle of coal and wizardry;
cannot be beat, since its creation,
to challenge it would be great folly.

so, guard your queen,
and look out for,
the rook, 'fore he forces through.
you'll pay your green,
your debts of lore,
of gold, of thought, and of sinew.

'lil boys and girls, have you checked your closets, and under your beds so dingy?
'cause monsters aren't as scary as, oh ye, what spawns fury.

Thursday, 19 August 2010

so. very. tired.

i'm not sure why, but i always end up nodding off in lectures nowadays. i can understand how this used to happen during my undergrad years, what with having 9 - 5 classes, with the occasional lab/dissection sessions. speaking of which, having parasitology labs just before lunch is a great way for all you girls trying for a diet, and all you guys trying to buff up by skipping the lean. here's an example of what would normally greet you in said sessions:

anyway. yeah. that was way back when. nowadays i have like 2 lectures back to back and i'm already dead. it doesn't help that there's only about 7 students in any given lecture, and the lecturer can hardly miss anyone not paying attention, much less someone who blatantly faceplants into the swiveling desk thingy.

my friend says it's low iron. ehhh. i dunno. i've never been the type to buy into all these supplements and the hype related to them. but it fits, and any good doctor would probably hack up a prescription for me, or something like that. which would have nothing to do with their revenues, of course. because people are philantropists that way. criticisms on healthcare system saved for another day.

but yeah. so tired. all the time. it's like a malignancy just waiting to implode, and one day, i swear, i'll think back on this and say, 'god, i knew that tumor started back then'. at which point it'll be too late.

i wish there were pills to help keep you awake for a couple hours or so. oh, wait, those things do exist. they probably mess up your brain chemistry enough to cause cancers, if i don't have one already.

mmmm. mri scans. my favourite flavour, too.