Tuesday, 23 March 2010

or will you chose door number 3?

let us say, for entertainment value, that you are on a game show. one of those tedious, yet riveting game shows from the early 90s that puts contestants in irrational, hilarious and wtf situations, with promise of monetary and other worldly rewards.

now suppose that, you have bested your fellow competitors, ousted the sneaky prawns such that all that is left between you and your final goal is but yourself. then, the sh*t hits the fan, when you ready yourself for the next challenge, and find it to be a metaphysical one that defies the logic and consistency of normal game shows:

etc, as you host: ladies and gentlemen, this is astounding! there has yet to be anyone to reach this penultimate stage of the show, and for all the persons in the world, it is none other than [insert your name here]! truly amazing!

now, [your name here], this challenge will not test your mettle nor your mind, but rather your intuition and risk-assessment skills. and for that, you are given an infinite time to decide - how generous of us!

before you, you shall find 4 doors, of which you can only chose one. obviously (as per any of those old game shows) you will receive whatever is behind the door, and move on to the final challenge! are you ready, [again, your name]?

but, this would be without suspense, should the narrator (in his cheesy and condescending voice) not hint at what you may or may not win. and so, he does this, before setting you on your way:

of the four doors, there is one which holds one hundred billion dollars! an insane amount of money for sure, ! however, this 'dollars' are in a foreign currency (non-american, and for all that is important at this point, we can just say it is a hundred billion gaxian dollars), and you have no idea what the value will be after conversion!

another, which holds nothing, but, by opening the door, you will be secured a (again, undefined, but promised to be fulfilling and self-achieving) job for the rest of your life. i truly hope that it is not a game-show host, as this might put me out of a job [cue audience laughter].

yet another holds eternal happiness! wow, now i wish i were in your shoes, [guess whose name goes here]!

and finally... what, am i reading this cue card right? this cannot be! yes, ladies and gentlemen, [someone's name, i really don't care at this point] can potentially win the holy grail of all daytime television game shows - everything (s)he ever wanted! however, to open this door, there is a catch (one besides the catch associated with the latch on the door itself), that is [name] must wait, and not select any door, because this door will open by itself after an undetermined time! the producers have just filled me in that this time frame could range from miliseconds to an infinity, oh dear!

which will our hero(ine), [something goes here, and it could be your name, yet again], choose? oh, the drama, the suspense! we'll be back after this word from our sponsors, magical thumbtack-flavoured jell-o! yummy!

aside from the overly-irritating narrator / host, there is no more information for you. which will you chose? (don't worry, you're bound to win the goat, anyway, but do give it some thought).

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