Monday, 15 March 2010

my big fight

prior to sunday, if anyone were to ask me if i had been in a fight, i would have to sheepishly say 'no'. without a moment's hesitation, too. this is a given subset of being nerdy all your life. i think, if you've watched zombieland, this comes under rule 17: don't be a hero.

but, as you may have guessed from the title, sunday changed all of this. it went down; sh*t got real; f*ck if i know situations and all that jazz. and it was pretty sensational, considering the cops had to turn up.


okay, so i exaggerate when i say it was my big fight. in all reality, i was just pretty much a bystander :/ but, hey, i was there, and it counts. not that i have to be all macho and be in a fight at some point in my life (it's certainly not on my bucket list. what, i've not told you about the list? another post for another day). but as my friend said, it certainly adds to the spice of life. something to experience.

obviously i cannot recount the whole situation, for fear of breaching the anonymity rule i have on this blog, but here's some highlights to keep things overly-dramatic: breaking and entering; theft; (obvious) verbal abuse, in which, ironically, there was no f word or any profanity for that case. there was a lot of 'if you're a man...' sentences, though. what else. oh, yeah, weapons! (baseball bat, wooden poles (wtf?) and metal... things). loads of spitting (someone got it to the face. oh, no you didn't, son). inappropriate(ly hillarious) attire, in which i give a case example. the 'leader' of one side wore jeans and red suspenders (with white, playing-cards spades) and no shirt. and he was skinnier than ally mc beal during her mentally-challenged times. i mean, wtf is this sh*t? some 3rd grade highschool ghetto scene? seriously. there was a taser gun somewhere in the mix, though it never got used. and an (awesome) chinese / vietnamese neighbour, with some crazy-ass triad tats who was talking about messing sh*t up. oh yeah, and as i mentioned earlier, the cops turned up.

anyway. aside from the extensive use of expletives i have used to heighten effect, nothing really went down. i guess part of it was because the cops turned up, and part of it was probably because, well, that's just how 'fights' go down in semi-civilised settings - all talk and no action, basically. not that i'm saying nothing would have happened. there was a pretty real danger of someone biting the dust, or at the very least, receiving a mild concussion. but, after all was said and (not much) done, everyone went their separate ways.

as for me, what was my role in all of this? what great scene did i enact? what stories of bravery and cunning do i now hold, to portray to grandchildren and scare the living sh*t out of friends? sadly (but proudly) nothing. like i said, rule 17: don't be a hero. i guess it's a testament to something that i played it safe. i did calm some people the f*ck down, and maybe in a very minor sense avoided some conflict (i can at least claim credit here, right? come on.) but i guess, if sh*t hit the fan, i probably wouldn't have had the guts to do much. probably not jump into the fight at any point, even if any of my friends were getting pummeled to sh*t. hmm. i don't know. but though that's probably the 'safe and logical' thing to do, i'm sure it doesn't rank very high in attributes you want in a friend who should always have your back. ah, well, i guess i'll never find out.

'til the next gruesome, bloody and gory fight (rawrrrrr!), stay in school, kids and keep it safe. remember to use protection. and stuff.


Nusayb said...

I'm disappointed, here's what you should have done:

1) Summon succubus
2) Auto-seduce one guy, fear another
3) Drop portal and start dotting the hell out of the third guy
4) Repeat & rinse
5) ???
6) Profit

/insert rant about scrubs wearing welfare epics

etc said...

haven't you heard? (besides that the bird is the word). destruction is the new leet. just global them with an immo/conflag/cb/shadowburn combo. awyeahboi try healing through that.