Thursday, 18 February 2010

parting is such sweet sorry. i mean, sorrow.

i hate moving. once i settle down, things are always fine, even when it's a whole new place, with nobody that i know (such as when moving to university way back when). but the idea of moving just gives me jitters. butterflies in my stomach and all that jazz.

when i attended high school, i had this ritual to psyche myself up for moving back to the boarding school, and even back home (this is very odd, as most people only have anxieties when moving away from home, but not in the opposite direction. as i said, for me, it's just moving in general, irrespective of destination). i can't remember exactly what i used to do, but it doesn't really matter because it hasn't worked for many years now. ironically, i didn't need to use it for a couple of years after graduating high school because of the location of my pre-university programme, which was close to home (plus i always had a blast there, so it took me just slightly over 29.31 minutes to adjust, anyway). and like the forgotten, red-headed step-child who runs away from home, only to say 'screw you' when she turns into a popular country singer and the parents fall upon hard times, this ritual would not work for me thenceforth.

but, i make due. distracting myself with little things. big things. anything. people, and books, video games and movies. sometimes just wandering around helps, but not so much as it did before. anything that takes my mind off the move. but it's inevitable that a threshold is reached (usually on the day of the move itself) and i wake up feeling like sh*t. the whole day is downhill from there, and it would be much better if i was just magicked away to my destination and got it all over with. someone should really invent or discover teleportation for people like me. not to mention the other uses of blinking from one place to another, like transportation. stealing money from the bank. spying on threesome lesbian porn stars. well, i guess you can get the latter-most on the internet, but that's beside the point. ahem.

my propensity to digress increases when i'm having such anxieties. (then i think of fantastical things in my head. like you, tee hee). it usually just gets worse :/

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