guilty by association

i don't personally celebrate valentine's day. st valentine's day. or as my friend calls it single's awareness day. but it was nice to hang out with some (single) friends on sunday, and at the very least, i got to meet some pretty cool people in their associates.

anyway, that's besides the point. the point was... yes, valentine's day. like i said, i don't celebrate it. but, apparently, every aunt, grandmother and cousin in the family does, and it does not pass 20 minutes before someone or another is asking me who i'm spending valentine's day with. i'm not one to get offended by innocent questions, especially since it's a big part of the culture here, and so i answer nonchalantly 'nobody'. this, i discover, is the wrong answer. you cannot be my age, and single (whatmore, super awesome, good looking, an enthralling conversationist and just plain sexy. did i mention good looking, too?). and it seems it is the sacred duty of these aunts and grandmothers - nay, their sole purpose in life - to hook me up. but, i'm a slippery eel. nobody's getting their hands on this prize fish, nosiree. and i swiftly ask if they called to talk to my parents, without listening for an answer, call on them and leave the phone in their hands.

well, that's all fine and dandy. in fact, i know of at least 7 persons, who also blog, and write of the same 'issue' (i'm not really sure if personally i can call it an issue, but for some, it is, and so we shall treat it that way. besides, of the 7 people i can call off the top of my head, 6 are female, and would be thoroughly disgusted if i should dismiss this as a non-issue). what is an issue, though, is a specific person whom i can only fathom spending a valentine's day with and not being in the presence of a third wheel. or something like that.

the constant questionings in itself is not bothersome, but the fact that it serves as a reminder, that every little thing that reminds me of this person... is very much so. and having known this person to some extent, that includes a lot of things that encompasses the motions i go through in what existence i call upon as 'daily life'. simple things like a smile on a friend's face. scrumptious things like the spicy fish that my grandmother has cooked for lunch. lolable things like your favourite manga series that updates every friday. ethnic things like the slanted eyes that peer intently out into the disparities that is me. sweet-smelling things like the perfume that i cannot identify. beautiful things like... beauty.

i cannot bring myself to say, that one day these things will mean nothing more than what they are. this bothers me, not only for myself, but for the future fermina. although, i doubt there can be one in your light.

such a bothersome thing, this is, this commemoration day of fructus' brother, and saint. such a bothersome thing, this reminder of singular(ities) of love. such a bothersome thing, this heavy burden of the heart and mind. such a bothersome thing, this thing that is an idea of you. yet bothersome, is not what aptly describes any relation of you, any association.

ah, such a bothersome post. luckily, i do not celebrate valentine's day.