Friday, 27 November 2009

you don't change lanes in a roundabout

because, not only is it wrong, but it's also retarded and gay (apologies if anyone reading actually is retarded or homosexual, but i'm using the colloquial terms that are figurative, and not literal).

i've seen a lot of horribaddible driving, even though i don't generally drive. i'd much prefer to walk or take public transport, where i don't have to worry about all the hassle and stress of driving myself. but, even as an observer, i've been exposed to too much road-related failures to say that people, in general, can actually drive. sure you have a license, but in my book, that doesn't make you someone who can drive.

here's a checklist to see for yourself if you meet the standard ethics of being on the road:

- do you give your indicator signal at least 5 seconds before making a turn?
- do you switch lanes at ease, unerringly swerving into a neighbouring lane just to surpass the slow-ass car in front of you?
- do you stop at to let pedestrians cross the road (even if there's no zebra crossing)?
- do you actually stop at the 'stop' sign, even though there's no cars around as far as you can tell?
- do you cut that red light when you're alone on the road, in the middle of the night, and there's obviously nobody's around to catch you (or worse, run into you)?
- does the orange light mean slow down, or go faster?
- do you use your horn sparingly, or is it part of your leet driving rotation? (accelerate, clutch, shift gear, accelerate, jerk break, horn, rinse and repeat)

and let's not get started with the obvious faults, like the ones one of my friends acknowledgingly has (she's a girl, btw, for those keeping track about women's driving skills); such as the classics:

'the car has an indicator stick? what?'
'i don't know how to drive stick :(' (girl your boyfriend is one unlucky bas3rd :/ )
'can you get out of the car to signal me if i'm parking alright? i can't see below the dashboard' <-- okay so this is not really her fault, being short and all. but still.
'let's not park here, there's only parallel parking'
'at a t-junction, whomever gets there first, goes first, right?'

but, even though i would like to say i'm a pro driver, i'm really not. i don't drive and even if i did, i guess i'm pretty horrible at it. which is why i don't drive. which is why i'm bad at it. circular argument, and go.

but for those who do, it's still a catch 22: in some places i've been, the road is like evolution. on steroids. and lsd for good measure. it's ruthless and people pretty much gut you for being too ethical. it's a dog eat dog world and if you're not an alpha, you're not getting past the 3 block benchmark. is that an excuse for you to drive like a retard, though (again apologies)? not really, but i can see if you did. does it help you sleep better at night? i hope it doesn't, because if it does, you're really in the fail category to start with :/


Anonymous said...

"ni jalan bapak aku" mentality gets you far when you drive in Malaysia ;) . u drive like that here in the states, get ready to get slapped with multiple tickets. cops are everywhere! langgar stop sign is a definite 120 usd fine. don't even dare to try. and cops here can't be silenced with a charming wink from the female.


etc said...

you know, it's funny. some of my friends who drive very well overseas come home to find themselves making the same mistakes. conditioned or choice hmmm.