finding love

usually i like to allude in my posts. it seems more aloof and permits me to retain what little measure of dignity i have left after the breach of anonimity. however, today's is more explicit,involving a theme commonplaace in our lives - the pursuit of love. sure, it's noble to talk about divine love or family love or friendship love or even love for an inanimate object (though, i don't think loving your right hand is something i want to hear about). however, i'm referring to the plain and simple love for a single, other human being in a romantic way. and no, i don't want to hear your ideas on polyamory.

what brought this about is the simple (and probably insignificant) event of rejection, which leaves me stranded (still) in a land of confusion and trying to find love. to be honest, i wanted to write a lot on this, but as i lie here, i think now that i need to straighten my thoughts beforehand (sleep sounds pretty good, too).

so i guess i'll leave you with some choice phrases or sentences that you may have heard (received or even used) before. choice here because i don't really seem to understand them:

5. 'it's just the way things are meant to turn out'
4. 'i never saw you in that kind of way'
3. 'you're the closest i've had to a brother / sister, but you never passed that level'
2. 'it's not you'

all of these never really make sense to me. maybe i'm just that thick but i dunno, there's got to be better ways (more empathic ways, at least) of letting someone down. oh, and this is my personal favourite, because i get this every single time. without fail. it's like the description of my (absence of) relationship life. i don't even know how true this is, because it can't be so true as to warrant all this loneliness. have at you:

1. 'you're really a great guy/girl, but...'

yeah, there must be a textbook out there somewhere and this is the first thing people learn.

anyway. i really hope this didn't end up being a b*tching post, it never was intended to be that way. i am not bitter, and i am not angry (honestly!). i am but confused.

still looking for a way into love.

dejectedly i sigh.

forever.

alone.

kekekekeke.