boomerang intentions

i don't really fancy myself as a man of philosophy, but if i were to associate with a classical school of thought, it would be existentialism. this is somewhat counterintuitive for the developing me, as i used to try very hard to be et logos, and very empirical. in any case, the crux of existentialism has been a central tenet to my every (well, at least most) decision-making process, and i am very thankful for this. some think this may be at odds with supposed piety, but au contraire, it just fuels the fire.

revisiting the whole purpose of this post (yes, i have degenerated to having purpose again, how awful!), it is with a lead heart that i betray my own feelings and write for hope where there is none. the prejudice against all that is dear and holy seems so hypocritical now. i can see myself staring at the past me, sitting in bed, writing this entry, feeling so uncertain. and all i can do in that future state is shake my head and possibly laugh at the infantile optimism that plagues my recent existence.

as a reminder to all, this is just convolutions to mean that sometimes, you don't really know where you're headed, and (even worse) how to describe the journey. what's important, though, is that we never lose sight of the fleetingness of life, and (for those who believe in higher powers and afterlives) that what may come has the potential to supersede everything we find tangible today.

and for those who don't believe in such things? then there is nothing left to lose from doing whatever you find necessary - except your own. c'est la vie.

another fleeting hope in may,
come slighted feelings disarray;
with nothing left to gain or lose,
one does rely on his own muse.

and when she flees and goes away,
one must not let love lead astray;
yet hope that if all is done true,
one's muse in end, comes back to you.

i cannot fathom disregard of dead old saints, and purity;
but if this muse does live unscarred, therein lies my own destiny.