stay, thee, heart

stay, thee, heart and bleed no more,
for dearth of blood and hurt from yore;
dost thou not feel, nor trow, nor think? but last in lust for nevermore?

hush, now, heart - in silence sing,
a solemn hymn for spurned love's sting;
canst thee hope for 'ternal calm? and harbour gifts for futures bring?

cometh soul, 'fore cometh meet,
hast thy none of thine heart's beat?
nary strength nor devout veil, left with sickly sorrow sweet.

plead, thee, heart for death's embrace,
cold wit of thine lover's face;
but fleeting, fleeting, this faint feel is but all gone with too much haste.

beseech, heart, of what is true,
oft rued decisions misconstrue;
shalt thou remain along thy course, or seek another heart anew?

so tarry here no longer, heart, it pains me much to hear thy beat,
though i ask much of thee today, prithee we should soon again meet;
but should it not that thou hast love, perchance thy hath of hope and calm,
know now i clutch thee at breast's breadth, and keep thee farthest 'way from harm.
stay, thee, heart;
stay, thee, heart;
stay, thee, infernal mine will,
stay, thee, heart;
stay, thee still;
mayhap wish for 'nother chill.

my first contact with contacts

Putting the contacts in was quite the ordeal. If I recall correctly from first year anatomy, the conjunctiva of the eye is supplied by the ophthalmic branch of the trigeminal nerve, which provides sensory innervation to he brainstem, where the reflex arc connects to the motor nerves of the orbicularis occuli via the facial nerve (mixed from the temporal and zygomatic branches). In layman’s terms, anything touching the conjunctiva causes a reflex to close your eyes. Which is basically what happened every time I tried to pop the contacts in.

Needless to say, my eyes were sore, red and watery. After a half hour endeavour, finally one contact was in. and I can happily say that I can see nearly as well as I can with glasses. That’s quite impressive, and should prove useful when I play football or basketball in the future.

I’m not really looking forward to tonight, though, when I have to remove them…

shopping for chocolate

When you go into a store – it doesn’t really matter what kind – and you look for something to buy, there’s always a series of complex and pressing questions that you ask yourself. Sometimes this process is elaborate and well thought out, whereas other times the process can be trivialised.

Let’s take an example: say you’ve just walked into a world class chocolatier. I use this example because I have a direly sweet tooth and chocolate is always a safe bet when trying to find something that everyone can relate to. So, you’ve just walked into this state-of-the art confectionery. There is an unlimited variety of chocolates to choose from; all your favourite colours and flavours, sizes and shapes, smells and ingredients. Everything your mind can fathom and more. As always, there’s going to be some chocolates that you wouldn’t dare try – maybe durian chocolate, or 86% pure dark, or giant fire-ant coated chocolate, or wasabi-infused chocolate. Some may be chocolates you might try on a daring day, but you may not normally choose, and others might be chocolates that you find mundane and too bland (but note that without the tasteless and generic, there cannot be the exceptional).

Of course, strolling through the aisles, left unattended or bothered by salespersons and other patrons, your mind wanders and contemplates – this chocolate is too expensive, this chocolate seems too sweet, this chocolate smells funny and this chocolate melts too soon (although in the lattermost case, I cannot believe any good chocolate melts too soon). Given an infinite amount of time, you are bound to come across the perfect chocolate, or at least a handful of the most perfect chocolates (perfect here being personal and subjective). But, as with all life’s dilemmas, you do not have an unlimited amount of time. Time is pressing. The chocolatier may be closing, or your ride may be leaving soon. Maybe you have a prior engagement or maybe the world is ending. Whatever the case, you only have so much time, and for complexity’s sake, let us assume that you do not exactly know when you have to leave – only a rough idea.

Now, say you really want to purchase at least one chocolate. Just one, to make it simple. All these considerations come to mind. But, say you haven’t made the purchase and have to leave for any of the abovesaid reasons (or other, that is fine, too). You will be left wanting, and on your way out of the store, wondering; ‘Maybe I should have taken that chocolate because it was not too pricey? Maybe I should have taken the other because it was perfectly delicious? Maybe I should have taken yet another because of random reason #293?’

Whatever the reason might have been, you have left, never to return. And you are empty-handed with no chocolate to savour or brag about. Nothing, in effect, besides your cold, hard, conscience. That, and the burning questions in your head, that you will continue to ask yourself, and extrapolate upon.

Are you going to buy that chocolate now, or not?

p/s: been away for a couple of weeks and will continue to be for another few. hence, the typing entries out on word and copypasta-ing to blogger whenever i can. note the capitalisation where i normally would not. in any case, be back when i can. also, incoming chunk of entries very sporadically

birds of paradise

pink galahs and cockatoos, with yellow, recursive crests,
kookaburras and emus, and lorakeets with bright red breasts;
rosellas with a dainty gait, ones which are playful all the time,
black swans from perth and weird parrots that sometimes sing and sometimes rhyme.

an eastern rosella

kookaburra

an emu. they're actually not nice at all

cockatoos. these are amazing

and galahs are just as much

i find it funny enough, though, the most pretty bird of them all,
is not of wing or avian, and if sought flight would surely fall;
and though not fallen, has fallen true, i feel this bird can't fall for you,
so molt now and grow rainbow plumes, that i may heed your beck and call.

and au contraire it seems to me, that bird may sing a sorrow song,
till wind beneath your wings you find, i let you go for now - so long!

seconds of silence

for the past week, i have been living alone in an apartment for three. two of my housemates had gone home to work and get engaged, respectively, and it was an unfortunate situation that i could not attend the latter. on a side note, i should point out that it was a very auspicious occasion, and there was much pomp and rejoicing to be had. i'm sure this comes as a norm and expectancy to you, but in a culture where engagement is a very personal event (usually observed only by the mate, bride-to-be, and their immediate families), i was quite surprised to see photos up on facebook of his engagement event where it was very much like a small-scale, but elaborate wedding. kudos and hearts to the engaged couple, but let us not tarry on that, lest i divulge information not mine to talk about in the first place.

staying home alone has been something i have been familiar with for some time, and, to be honest, something i very much miss at times. one easily pipes in to say 'aha, but you say that now, because you only see things through rose-tinted glasses', and i won't argue with this. there have been perks and shortcomings, pros and caveats of living alone. however, at the end of the day, i think i very much prefer it to living with others, especially many others. don't get me wrong here, i think i get along fairly well with people in general, but there's something to be desired when you come home from work (or studies, or play, or whatever you do that makes you weary), only to have to engage with the social contract (refer to gregory house on this one). again, do not be dissuaded into believing that i am antisocial for any reason, but sometimes you just want to come home to silence and a little bit of emptiness.

i've had much time to catch up on many things - job applications (no, i do not have a job yet, and this makes me a particularly sad panda), reading some novels (yes i am still on the same reading list for a year), gaming (got back into gaming, and it's a full time job for a bum. serious business, mind you), and lazing around.

however, as much as i enjoy it, i do welcome my housemates back (for now); at least the one person who has arrived yesterday, qurrosh failscream. i don't doubt i will longingly miss my time alone soon, when everyone has returned from wherever they are, my housemates and random family and friends, included. but till then, going to catch up on my series (oh, yes, i am watching house, glee and friday night lights right now), and not miss the fact that i have to consider other persons' wanting to do this or that at any point (not that i have, prior to this; and not that my housemates are awesome enough to not care for what i do anyway!)