puzzled

i had written a pretty long entry today. but i realise that it was very obfuscate. very obtuse and awkward. like how you offer a drink to someone and realise he is in abstinence. or how you make a joke that nobody in the room finds funny, but you've already laughed a hearty laugh and there's no turning back.

except that i can actually turn it back, and so i do.

but i think, the essence of the post is an important one, and i write here for my own rememberence and for posterity. because one day i will have lost myself in an ocean of acceptance and realisation, and it would do me well to recall that at this point in my life, i am puzzled.

puzzled at how i cannot understand someone for who she is and why she cannot understand others just the same. puzzled at how monetary woes will creep into life's prosperity and beauty. puzzled at how misconstrued gestures can effect others around you, and how misinterpreted signals will lead to dead ends and dead friends. puzzled at how i could ever think this would be worth writing in the first place.

maybe, someday in the future, i'll figure things out and we can all rejoice in such (lack of) knowledge. god f*cking damn it, this is so puzzling.