Tuesday, 21 February 2012

a brief history on gentlemen and douchebaggery

in the beginning there was nothing. let there be light. and the whole 'big bang theory' theme song comes here.

fast forward a few billion years and we have the evolution of man. and woman. at first, i think we can agree that cavemen were pretty much total douches: hey see that hot woman? i want to bang her into the previous century. get my blunt club and hope this little tap on the head doesn't kill her. drag her home to the cave and then procreate like a total baws. get her pregnant? mission accomplished.

and then everything was pretty much uphill from there. for the women, at least. tired of being pushed around and taken for granted, the women eventually started gravitating towards men who would treat them right. this, of course, would not emerge until the earlier parts of the victorian era, but to most, it was worth the slow but steady wait. for the men, however, where once there was a fertile ground of treating them bsctches however they wanted, now was a competition from a new breed - the gentleman.

vying for women's hearts had never been more aggravating. with the unnecessary and elaborate politeness now encompassing courtship. and men now had to develop a sense of courteousness and proper etiquette. though this would become trivial at first, it escalated quickly to a self-competing arms race - one that would consume every man for in the absence of the gentleman trait, one would be relegated to the lower echelons of society and doomed to be paired with what women would accept such defect: the ugly, the poor, the without status and the mentally insane. amongst other things. which, is not a derogatory mention of women in general, but an exemplification of how bad things were to become.

but, not all hope was lost, for with the coming of the digital age, all this was lost (and more). here, my theory falls short without explanation, but the gentleman becomes a dying breed. the prim and proper, probably now being lacklustre and lacking excitement, were left to the ghosts of loneliness and boring conversations, and women would come to chase the thrill of... self-abuse. now, that is obviously an extrapolation, as there are many perfectly-normal men out there even to this day who cannot be called gentlemen but are neither abusive nor neglecting. however, for illustrative purposes, let us assume so, and continue.

so now the prey has become the hunter again, and the extinct (or closely so) counterparts? well, they subside into shadows, awaiting the day they are once again craved for and cherished. but the world is a mixed bag, who knows what will be the new flavour of the century. for all the douchebags getting all the girls they want - your time may be nigh. for all the gentlemen who think they are undervalued and justly so, patience may be your saving grace. and for the ones who are getting what you 'deserve'? maybe it's time for change?

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