Monday, 11 May 2009

my little napoleons

it's very interesting what power does to people. as a kid i used to imagine what i would do if (when) i finally am able to graft adamantium unto my endoskeleton, or get bitten by a radioactive spider, or find out that i was actually from the planet krypton and was turning of age to fully potentiate my powers. and in all honesty, they weren't all virtuous and selfless intents.

as i grew up, naturally these notions grow further and further away (still hoping, though!) but what replaced it was other related questions: are people corrupted by power? or is it that people are naturally with ill intent and power enables them to fulfill their callous desires? moreso, is it possible that true virtuosity is only a means, and that once a person is in a position of power to enact, these promises are by no reasons part of the ends?

in any case, such a philosophical exercise is not my intention today, especially since my last couple of entries have been heavily so. instead, i come to the real-life story as to why i pose this in the first place.

as i am writing this, i have been set with a dilemma, whether to chose integrity and self-actualisation, or chose to succumb to the norms which have been imposed upon me (albeit i cannot say against my will) - mix in a financial ultimatum worth one million dollars and some social / familial imperatives, and spice it up with some intra-personal double-guessing and self doubt, and voila, we arrive at my situation.

succinct to say, irrespective of me being vague, the crux of the problem (if any such thing exists, as 'problem' is a relative term) is that i was applying to change from situation A to situation B, of which there should be no problem, but the person(s) in charge of enabling this change decides to disallow it. as to why, i cannot really say, as the reasons given are weak, at best, and shallow (and pedantic). video link for reference. in any case, this isn't an isolated situation. many times have i encountered bureaucracy with this result, and though it annoys me to mount my high horse, i think my father put it very well when he said that all the smart people end up in professional jobs, and the class dunces end up running the country. to a lesser extent, i can project this onto any type of managerial position - the day shift manager at your local grocery never made it past 5th grade, so now you're eating sour grapes in both literal and figurative terms. or your kids' gym teacher never got why you can't use the chain rule in intergration like how you can in differentiation, so now your kids are getting beat up for not being able to bench-press 20. <insert more lewd and inappropriate stereotypes>.

in any case, i acknowledge this is a rant, but humor me this - can you deny that you've been in the same situation, and that it's thoroughly frustrating. and it just pisses me off to see that these little napoleons find sadistic joy in complicating the most meager of tasks, just to show you they're boss and you will submit to their every whim (if at least in their little corner of the world).

suffice to say, should i ever find myself in a position to determine such a person's future, although moreso if i am to know the person from similarly past experience, i cannot promise that i will be the bigger man - for all i know i will relish every little bit of the time i crown myself the napoleon of his dilemma and screw him over as royally as possible. one can only hope.

p/s: there's actually some origin of 'to eat sour grapes' in the Bible? i think but i cannot find it on the internet right now (aka too lazy) but you can go find it yourself if you're interested. fine, i went out and found it for you anyway.

p/p/s: also, all that government propaganda about 'enabling people' and letting you be all you can be is pretty much bullcrap. something i should have obviously seen earlier on in life, but it only stings as much when it happens on a personal basis. in all honestly, the system has treated me well up to this point, but i'm going to be every bit the little baby i can and bitch about this one circumstance as long as i have right to.

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