i found you

‘tis thee, thy name,
thy name,
thy name,
that rattles in my cageless ears;
unbound by coin’d and falseful fame,
with ‘ternal glory burnt through  years;
that which i could not ‘preciate,
more than thy name, a blue sky blue;
so pardon me, accept thine hate,
a little late I’d not found you.

to speak of light, and follied so,
could i fathom thine full extent?
if only words had leapt from woe,
instead of waiting ‘til all’s spent;
but worry!
worry!
needlessly, until mine walk becomes a trudge,
ah, seconds late! unfortunate, that others paltry come to judge;
too soon, and one would insult ‘pon,
thine victory that whispers fate,
too late, and hopes become forlorn,
i found you just a little late.

just as these crumbled veins are bled,
sanguine and baked under the sun;
so just as all this heart has fled,
unseen, two had become as one.

a longing for long decembers,
that likes whose likeness wicked smile;
by sandy beaches heated embers,
star-kissed burning all the while.

inadequate, and wrongful tries , so riddled – pocked of bluff,
insufficient though full fledged, still nowhere good enough,
how could a blessed, and thorough thought, a late but perfect hour,
be written for a blind eye, so quickly turn stale and sour?

there’s more to upper hands that’s worth,
engagement before left;
a heart, a promise, ‘moments mirth,
that stolen worse than theft;
i promise, t’wall end but too soon, may judgement deserved fate,
and only wish sooner i’d tried, i found you just too late.
but, hark! the midnight hour has passed, and sunrise sets at noon,
indeed i misconstrued that thought – i found you but too soon.

the night's ardor

oh, eerie moon, thine shine so bright,
let lit this dank, cold starless night,
thine might, shan’t sway even despite,
a halo’d bind to ward of fright.
but stay your say, should, may or might!
that haunt’d twine of occult sprite,
that with the darkness spread’st blight,
a hopeful dim’d to hold thee tight -

but of the sun!
her glow!
her bliss!
that wishful thoughtless soul for this,
begone, thy naked moon of his,
that hers may seal you with a kiss.

oh, moon, with loss of stars tonight – sidereal beauty by my plight,
so clutch mine heart and sunder suns, that you may take me with your flight.

beneficient

the logic of subservience. the presence of god(liness). it is hard to imagine how it all fits. the arguments and counterarguments are plain, and i do not think i shall delve into those things unless they are pertinent to a point i am trying to make. instead, let's consider how such things influence us, nay benefit us.

again, let us revisit the effort-reward correlation. if there is any, and that effort begets reward, then it is easy to argue both ways - God exists because he has rewarded me for my actions, or God doesn't exist, and the reward for my actions are my own. similarly, if the converse of both clauses is true, God exists because he has punished my lack of effort with non-rewardal (or punishment), or that God does not exist, and that the results are consequence of my own (lack of) action.

it is when effort does not beget reward (and this is by and large the case, i imagine. at least empirically i see it everywhere), that we can question presence. how justifiable is either, that null should reward something, or vice versa?

can one really prove anything even if a correlation is established? maybe it is enough that one convinces oneself (oh lord, the choice of third person).

in any case, it is hard to fathom a paternal God that does not look out for his creations, but similarly, a malevolent God - what purpose do we fulfil? is sadism the 'greater good'? is that why people are moulded with this nature? inherent to? cultivated with? the diversity of human ethics and laws does not cover enough ground to mirror an imagery of God, even if we are built in his shape.

it couldn't be further from the truth, that this has any effect on ones choice of belief, only that how soothed is a soul if there is something to tether a belief upon, even if that belief is (inherently) flawed?