what dreams may come

i am very fond of the title as a line, albeit i never use it in my daily conversation. i will be the first to admit, i have never read hamlet (and the desire to read it has somewhat deteriorated over the years). apparently, there is a movie of the same name, which i have just discovered while looking up the website linked above. it's pretty dismal that the movie came up first rather than the original source though :/. in any case, i am not sure what attracted me to the phrase - it's probably something i vaguely recollect from my childhood, reading a poem. regretfully i cannot seem to find the poem, but not all is lost! maybe i'll get around to watching the movie. sometime, when i'm free. probably. eventually.

before i proceed unto the core of the entry, a side note: contrary to all the downplaying reviews and hating comments, vanilla sky (which is along the lines of the post i guess?) is a pretty awesome movie. yes, it has tom cruise, you haters. and penelope cruz. but it's a pretty cool movie.

anyway. the inspiration for this post comes from me waking up today. and yesterday. and almost every other day continually for the past 2, 3 months and having vivid recollection of my dreams. now this is not abnormal, especially if a person wakes during the peak cycle of sleep. for those attempting to decipher their meanings from any example i may post. eff you. and freud (see earlier post).

an example: i woke up today, thinking it was 6am. checking the clock reveals it's only 3.40 and i groan (actually i say bleh) as i go back to bed. it's eerie that i almost instantaneously fall asleep but i can remember to the smallest detail a dream where i am meeting some people i haven't seen in a long time. like 10 years. but that's how dreams go. and there are, unsurprisingly, elements of the dream that, if i were awake, scream 'this is a dream!' but, again unsurprisingly, i am unaware of them 'til i've actually awoken 3 hours later. it's all just pretty random stuff, like teleporting people or incoherent chronology of events. but still, the point is. um. really i've forgotten the point i was trying to make. still pretty groggy from waking up :/

but the conclusion was going to be something like, i should get a pen and notebook set beside my bedside and write down these random dreams. maybe compile it into an entry, that might be fun.

parting is such sweet sorrow

one of the things i hate the most is when friends grow apart, and it's especially annoying when you see the process happening. slowly, like a decrepit thing, all the life of the friendship ebbing away in the floes of time.

we've all probably experienced it in some form or another. just having geographical or cultural borders, people moving farther away than you can care to keep in touch, or even having that one or many changes in respective lives to make the relationship too much of an inconvenience. or worse. but parting (as much as the opposite) is the norm of life, and i would be naive (how the eff do you make the double dots on the i?) to partake in the illusion that such things are everlasting (even though i do recall telling my niece such lies :/ )

in any case, such an event has happened (or due to the chronic nature of how it happened, i should use the phrase continually deteriorated) recently in my life, and it just reminds me of mortality; how fleeting our existence is and how dynamic people are. personally i find the loss of such 'change', as my friend aptly put (although i must admit he is probably just mockingly asserting barrack obama), quite annoying, and i do strive to make sure it doesn't happen. but we must all learn to cut our losses before they become malignant, festering scars - in some case more literal than figurative.

i write this entry, heavily and probably more a textwall to the readers, than my usual flavour, but consider it a musing to myself, which i will hopefully retroactively reflect upon in the future. however, should you have braved the torturous roads of text, and are willing to swim the tumultuous emotions that may have plagued you at a point, do share in a moment of silence that i dedicate to mourn all the persons who have let fall from our lives; a line for the forgotten:

"to the friends i left behind,
the souls that have shared my pains, and glories,
the bros who had my back,
and Mercutio, who has left the sight of eyes but not mind,
who has left the living, but only because of the knife that stabs him is my own,
oh, speak to me and call me brutus 'Et tu, Brute?' "

and for this i apologise

a long february

it's been a while. again. but this time i have a legitimate reason! back in hometown, and have been busy packing/unpacking/getting a place, all that jazz. but i've finally settled down and got a working (will be elaborated upon later, with much disgust and ensuing rants, fun times!) connection to the net.

in all honesty i cannot remember what i was talking about in my previous post. oh yeah, the horse race analogy. brings it all back, now. sweet raptor zombie jesus :/ that's some pretty bad writing. in any case, an ensuing analogy as promised:

suppose you are in a dark room, with practically no light. along comes an object which makes no sound, no smell etc etc. nothing to guide you as to what it is, or how it is in nature. now assume that someone whom you have known quite some time appears beside you. someone not too close to you, yet you are familiar enough to discuss professional or personal issues with, without feeling out of place or awkward. for example, a work colleague or a cousin you haven't met in a couple of years. now assume that this person describes to you, in a specific format, the defining characteristics (not in detail, just the major points that spring to his / her mind when seeing the object) of the object, having seen it outside the room a couple of weeks ago (and miraculously now knowing that it is the same object in this dark room with both of you). and before you can ask a question, the person is gone.

now, suppose, of the many things that person said to you, (s)he said that 'it tastes good' and that's about all you can remember being important at the time. other details are a bit blurry but if you can't remember them, we'll assume (with the power invested in me, i make you assume so! and i am he-man) that nothing else is of import at this point. would you put the object in your mouth? not lick it or take a piece of it to test, just eat the thing om nom nom.

i already hear the throngs of people starting to question 'but what if it's poisonous?' or say 'i don't have enough information'. well that's the point of this analogy. would you? something to ponder 'til my next post (which hopefully will be faster than in 3 months time).