immediate

he was only a child, restless and fragile, incompetent and brash. however, he was sweet - the kind of sweet you would adore from afar, and perhaps even find enchanting should you never have had the displeasure of meeting him in person. a child who, if only by name, was immature and selfish, petyr, and was too naïve to fully comprehend how the world works. take away his toys, and he would not cry, but he would be bitter and taciturn for a fortnight. take away his food, and he would not make any qualm, for he knew that it was only a matter of time 'til he was given another meal. give him a book, and he would read for hours on end, neglecting almost all responsibilities, but those he had to nature; but never give him an inkling of affection, for he would grow far too attached to know that every hello ends in goodbye, that every smile should end.

petyr grew up in solitude, never knowing any peers as he was the son of a czar, too rich of fortune to mingle with peasants, too poor of culture to know otherwise. what he lacked in social interaction, he made up in grooming, made prime by tutors of various disciplines and mentors from every continent. though he may grow, one day, to become refined, articulate, educated, and well-read, nobody could have said that petyr the younger showed any promise of growing beyond an average child. he displayed none of the characteristics of his father, in being charismatic, or commanding, or charming, but, perhaps, took after his mother, though nobody could say for certain, for she died giving birth to him, and was a princess from a lesser, unknown-to-many state, leaving her personality up to speculation and educated guesses - likely as much as her husband knew of her at the time, too. regardless, she was quiet and a self-admitted romantic, which, if petyr inherited from her, was only accentuated as he grew.

unfortunately, his notion of righteousness and chivalry stemmed almost entirely from vague and extrapolated notions of what was retold to him of his mother, and to the czar's dismay, was entirely detached from local custom and culture. to whatever ends may be of import, he never found in himself the will or capacity to endure others' companies, and spent copious amounts of time either in the palace library, where he was accompanied by the handful of scribes employed only for posterity, or in one of the many gardens, where he was accompanied by his own. as time passed, he would learn to appreciate more of the latter, and as he spent more time in the vast gardens, now reserved for his own use, he ironically retracted more and more into his own thoughts, lulled and disillusioned as one may in their own time.

today, however, marks a day of departure from his norm, and petyr would find himself chained and restricted by his own choice of upbringing. a royal gala, held in accordance of his royal father's conquest over a far-away country (no doubt, of barbarians and heathens), were to serve as an introduction to the ineffable, beauteous and amiable anna, of whom nobody in the kingdom had heard of before. having seen her from across the banquet table, petyr could not have cared less for the charming young princess (or, if not from royalty, perhaps she were merely of regal and blued blood, though none could ascertain for the now), and hoped eagerly to return to his chambers come the end of the night. however, the czar, never one to betray his promise to the memory of his wife, made arrangements that the two should have a conversation in private during dessert, and it was then that petyr was smitten beyond his restraint, and would later confide in his chambermaid, ".. a darling creature of such exuberant character, the sound of whose voice resonates with the night and the sight of whose shadow could not but cast a brighter light! truly, i am lost in such wonder, and i have been fool not to have betrayed myself in speech, act, and thought..."

alas, who could wonder to the ends of such simple a meeting, for as far as conversations go, the young czar was poor and leaves wanting, and for beginnings of courtships may bloom, he is but withered and hopeless. and so it has come, to the end of the night, no sooner had it relented as it had becked unwantingly - at least for said young petyr.

never again

posted here for posterity and bitter remindings, that never again should there be let this heart astray, only to embrace those which have previously becked, and those who have left it uncalled - there can be no worse sundering as already has, and for that, recuperation is no longer a choice, option, or reprieve, but the only salvation for this heart to survive.

expressed in one sentence, that the future reader may laugh at the follied attempt at writing.

your move

an ocean of a million miles, that plagued with depth of leagues unknown,
could hardly as far as between, what fleeting darkened crows could flown;
yet, farther this haunting divide, what becks emotions 'tween two hearts,
that make for slated wuthering winds to blow unknown souls apart.

one wish that expressed better what the mind was feeble, heart was scared,
(though fondness ever grew unchecked, how could one lay such thoughts full bared?)
so says he now as fleeting flights, of mind, of heart, of form, of stray,
how could he live through sordid nights, full knowing of your move away?



with apologies to S.W. to whom i could never express such intense and burning affection, if only because your heart was always elsewhere.