there are many things we've wanted to do, only to put them on hold and never actually get around to them. when i was younger, this defined my unaccomplishable dreams list, which includes such things as:
1. travelling the world
2. writing my own novel (although in recent years i would settle for 'textbook', instead)
3. uninhibited, repercussion-free threeway
4. creating my own ice cream flavour
5. winning the Nobel Prize
6. uninhibited, repercussion-free threeway
so on and so forth. dramatics aside, some of the intents are more noble than others, and even since young i find those to be the less practical among the bunch. to re-visit this general theme, recently i started baby steps towards the final goal, if only to keep me away from the dark depression that has come to crowd most if not all of my waking hours not spent preoccupying myself with menial (which by others' definition would be fruitful) tasks. i digress.
i tried to watch some of the movies i had thought to be interesting but could not find the time to watch (or resource, as in london my interenet connection was the very definition of horribaddible). but in any case, i watched about 30 movies in the span of 3 months (which if you think about is only one every 3 days, and not that impressive). in any case, here are a select few movies that come to mind, and i would like to bring into focus so that those who enjoy similar taste to mine should not miss out on some great stuff.
speed racer. ok the monkey and little kid were just as annoying as they were in the anime i watched as a child. this is in itself a pro for nostalgic value, and a con as an unnecessary adaptation to the movie. that out of the way, it's an awesome movie. i cannot see why all the critics hated the hell out of it. it's. a. kid's. movie (/ anime adaptationn which was intended for kids anyway). sweet bose-einstein condensate jesus, why do you guys hate so much? i dunno. i guess it's one of those things which will appeal to a minority of the watchers, and if you happen to be one of these select (deficient) people, more power to you. if not, it's not a thoroughly horrible movie to sit through. i really recommend this for those who can leave their brains outside the cinema (or living room) for the movie's duration, and/or reminisc about the anime from younger days.
the namesake of an indian food, i find this a very odd title for a japanese anime pretaining to psychological disorders - paprika. this is not the most amazing anime i've seen, and it's not the most creative either. but it is a very very interesting subject (one which i used to take sincere interest in) and it's one of those thing i've just wanted to watch for a long long time and finally had the chance to. has this skewed my expectancy of the quality of the film? probably. has this made me forget the fact that it's not even groundbreaking animation (which is what i usually come to expect from annime genre movies, irrespective of the storyline)? pretty much. but i still kinda like it. i wouldn't actually recommend watching it, but if you have the time to spare, by all means.
i've probably mentioned this title before, and if i have not, then suffice to say, it is probably the best movie of all time from my personal point of view. requiem for a dream. i've watched it countless times, and i just wanted to watch it again to see if it was still as good as it was back then. it is. personally, i find it better than the shawshank redemption which many of my friends consider to be the best movie ever. better than star wars (as you may expect i am referring to the episodes IV, V and VI, and not episodes I, II and III). better than jurassic park, and (albeit only slightly) better than the LOTR trilogy (consider that i go nuts of dinosaurs and medieval fantasy. the only way to top this would be velociraptors in plate mail armor yelling 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS'). ok so if you looked up the best movies of all time, there would probably be the likes of casablanca and citizen kane, but those were before my time, and i'll add them to my 'to be viewed' list, but in the mean time, let's just go with this - requiem for a dream is one of my favourite (if not my definite favourite) movie ever.
on a side note, a couple of movies i also re-watched and thoroughly liked are: schindler's list, memoirs of a geisha, and transformers (not the cgi one, but the animated one from my childhood. super awesome). notice how optimus prime dies, again, in 'revenge of the fallen', which i refuse to even link because, considering it was targetted for a more mature audience, the storyline was crappy and thoroughly full of plotholes, and the only redeeming fact for me paying 10 bucks to watch it was that it was 3 hours long (even the fact that megan fox was in it did little to add to this). in any case, we should recycle more used ideas in cgi laden movies to make sure that old ideas which have been tried and tested will generate sufficient turnover that we don't need original thinking. why work more if you generate the same amount of money anyway? rabble rabble.
where was i. yes, more movies that i got around to watching. there was a romantic-comedy which i actually found pretty good. i cannot remember the title right now, but now that i think about it, there were quite a few that caught my attention over the summer. 27 dresses was alright (i watched this while waiting on a flight i think? can't remember), love actually was pretty funny, ummm. i can't remember the others. there was one with a blind guy but i can't remember what it was, and i don't think i finished the movie because my sister wanted to watch something else. there was one with cameron diaz and 2 other women and that was really funny. the sweetest thing. i actually had to do some research to find some of these links so you had better click on a few. yeah i can't remember anything else from this genre. don't get me wrong i like the occasional romantic movie but i just can't remember the titles. they're the kind of movies i watch and forget, as opposed to the ones i linked prior to this paragraph, which actually stuck :/ what can i say.
there's definitely a lot more movies i want to cite here but this is getting a bit long so i'll probably save them for a subsequent post.
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Monday, 20 July 2009
the greatest fall
i wanted to write a bit about the seminar / motivation camp i attended about a month ago, but i think i'll reserve that for another day. instead, i'm going to write about moving to australia and the pros and cons i've had over the past week. contrary to my parents' and best friends' advices i had chosen to leave a secure and luxurious future in medicine to pursue what i had thought at the time to be an infinitely more interesting and exciting prospect in lecturing and research. little did i know it would turn out to be the biggest mistake i have ever made in my life. moreso than deciding to be decadent during an opportune year in london. moreso than foregoing potential romance due to 'personal ethics' and principles (also to be referred to as lack of backbone, in the future). moreso than taking my life for granted so far. and only slightly moreso than disappointing and burdening my parents (which i can say because it is intricately associated with and nearly entirely dependent on my horrible choice, anyway).
in effect, leaving london was one of the greatest things to happen to me. i was secretly (unbeknownst to even my closest friends) depressed and hating my life for all the wrong reasons. i say this now not because i have the luxury of writing in a blog which nobody really reads, or being able to veil myself behind a curtain of anonymity, but because it has come high time that i own up to the reality which i worked so hard to deny over the past one and a half years. the fact that i was unhappy with my lifestyle is in itself not particularly malignant, but this lead to me secluding myself (even more) in my room, immersing myself with artificial means of boosting morale (playing world of warcraft and reading fictional books about 70% of the time) and putting aside the worries of the day. i say 'of the day' because during my clinical experience in london i had come to a point where i could not cope with studies as i had nowhere to turn, and self-studying, especially by trying to memorise the text books can only get you so far (in fact, as far as the front door, after which all of the theory falls apart and the practice becomes, well, practice). the short version of this long winded, and rambling paragraph is : i should have addressed my issues earlier instead of letting them accumulate to the point where i made this huge mistake.
now, i'm the kind of person to dwell on past mistakes and sweat the small things. to most, my life will seem comfortable and even desirable. but to me, thinking of the possibilities and the potentian gains is enough to make me again, unnecessarily, depressed (and i mean this in all its clinical sense because i unashamedly exhibit signs which i would rather not).
i moved to australia to start anew. six months or so of being home was supposed to be the time for me to buck up and get to terms with reality, but i spent it doing actually the opposite - wasting the days away and being hedonistic. don't get me wrong, i think i needed it in its entirety, but it doesn't help that past sins will come back and haunt you nonetheless. and if you let them accumulate and return with a raging vengeance, in a throng of continual assaults, then you're pretty much as screwed as i am. again, rambling but i make my point.
banality, thy name is me. there is nothing one can do to erase the past, only to move forward and do his best. most times, though, even the best may not be as good as 'the best it could have been', and that is the lesson learned. one which i can only hope some will take away from this entry, and not need the experience to have it make sense. in all honesty, i have 'known' of these things and had 'seen' it coming, i even had a 'plan' for averting crisis. but personally, it took the experience of having it all come crashing down to see it in its entirety. before i was effectively taking that step back to see the bigger picture and renumerate upon the flaws and caveats of my lifestyle. i guess the best i can say about this all is, at least it only took one and a half years off my lifeline (and potentially 3 or 4 more to come) and one million bucks. relatively cheap compared to 'what i could have lost' ?
in effect, leaving london was one of the greatest things to happen to me. i was secretly (unbeknownst to even my closest friends) depressed and hating my life for all the wrong reasons. i say this now not because i have the luxury of writing in a blog which nobody really reads, or being able to veil myself behind a curtain of anonymity, but because it has come high time that i own up to the reality which i worked so hard to deny over the past one and a half years. the fact that i was unhappy with my lifestyle is in itself not particularly malignant, but this lead to me secluding myself (even more) in my room, immersing myself with artificial means of boosting morale (playing world of warcraft and reading fictional books about 70% of the time) and putting aside the worries of the day. i say 'of the day' because during my clinical experience in london i had come to a point where i could not cope with studies as i had nowhere to turn, and self-studying, especially by trying to memorise the text books can only get you so far (in fact, as far as the front door, after which all of the theory falls apart and the practice becomes, well, practice). the short version of this long winded, and rambling paragraph is : i should have addressed my issues earlier instead of letting them accumulate to the point where i made this huge mistake.
now, i'm the kind of person to dwell on past mistakes and sweat the small things. to most, my life will seem comfortable and even desirable. but to me, thinking of the possibilities and the potentian gains is enough to make me again, unnecessarily, depressed (and i mean this in all its clinical sense because i unashamedly exhibit signs which i would rather not).
i moved to australia to start anew. six months or so of being home was supposed to be the time for me to buck up and get to terms with reality, but i spent it doing actually the opposite - wasting the days away and being hedonistic. don't get me wrong, i think i needed it in its entirety, but it doesn't help that past sins will come back and haunt you nonetheless. and if you let them accumulate and return with a raging vengeance, in a throng of continual assaults, then you're pretty much as screwed as i am. again, rambling but i make my point.
banality, thy name is me. there is nothing one can do to erase the past, only to move forward and do his best. most times, though, even the best may not be as good as 'the best it could have been', and that is the lesson learned. one which i can only hope some will take away from this entry, and not need the experience to have it make sense. in all honesty, i have 'known' of these things and had 'seen' it coming, i even had a 'plan' for averting crisis. but personally, it took the experience of having it all come crashing down to see it in its entirety. before i was effectively taking that step back to see the bigger picture and renumerate upon the flaws and caveats of my lifestyle. i guess the best i can say about this all is, at least it only took one and a half years off my lifeline (and potentially 3 or 4 more to come) and one million bucks. relatively cheap compared to 'what i could have lost' ?
Wednesday, 1 July 2009
the great escape
it's been a month and some change since i've posted, but i can happily say that this time it is with ample (and reasonable) excuse! ten days of scuba diving, a week of 'motivational camp' (which, i always hate, but as i was forced into going, i have some insightful [if also cynical and probably biased] things on which to elaborate) one week of packing and looking for a place to stay in australia. pretty awesome, but, even though it's not as time consuming as i make it out to be, forgo the slacking off as an entitled privilege for all those who would be unemployed.
without further ado, i'll begin in chronological order: the scuba diving trip. perhentian island, malaysia - although a lot of people have told me that the quality of marine fauna in perhentian has deteriorated tremendously, i have to say it's still worth going. it's not as great as sipadan, or the great barrier reef (sipadan was super awesome, by the way, and i doubt that any diving experience will compare to it. sadly it's not being maintained well and i can only foresee it becoming less and less attractive as the years go by) but it's damn well worth the money. soft corals are not as abundant as it used to be, so i'm told, but you can still find about 10 - 20 stereotypical species of them at regular intervals across the seabed. again, contrary to what i've been told, it's still colourful, and if you have an eye out for these things, it's very appreciable. in contrast to sipadan, there's less types of soft corals but there is not a lack thereof, and surprisingly, hard coral was harder to come by than i expected (not to say there's any lacking).
the fauna was 'mediocre', though i say this only because there is the absence of those 'holy shi*' moments during the dive. you can see lot's of stuff, don't get me wrong, it's just they're all the same mundane stuff you can get anywhere else. no turtles, one or two nurse sharks in the distance. a spattering of barracuda (again at a distance) etc etc. there was some 'exciting' microlife like rare cleaner shrimp and fluorescent nudibranch(es?) but being as near-sighted as i am, i guess i'm not fully equipped to appreciate them in all their splendour. oooo shiny colours. do want.
conditions were great though. slow-rolling sea. not too cold, i went in with only a skinsuit, and i can imagine it being thoroughly comfortable in a drysuit. no rough winds during this time of year (june) but i'm told to expect the monsoon conditions from september to april. the dive crew was awesome (bar a couple of old lady tourists who had trouble with everything from buoyancy to the ability to keep their mouths shut. i kid, i kid, they were awesome. i just mention them, though, because they left quite the lasting impression upon me, some old (i probably exaggerate since they might as well have been middle-aged) obasans suiting up. tee hee. the divemasters were a everything i'd come to expect, gear was clean and up-to-date. what can i really say, it was great. i did get rather ticked off by the prices of everything else on the island. food was incredibly overpriced and small in proportion, day-to-day items were similarly expensive etc etc. i can understand trying to make a quick buck out of tourists but this was ridiculous. i'd suggest bringing some of your own foodstuff like tinned sardines(also know as ikan bilis to our resident german friend).
all in all it was a great experience - i'd definitely go again. preferrably with a group of friends. although, sometimes it's pretty awesome to just kick back and take time to yourself. to each his own.
on a side note, i did get 2 chapters finished of a work-in-progress written thingy i'm working on. collaboration with my friend has been a bit slow, and we might not meet the deadline, but if we do, expect to see some pretty awesome stuff whenever we finish (disclaimer: definition of awesome may vary on an individual basis). 'til next time, kids. same awesome time, same awesome channel.
without further ado, i'll begin in chronological order: the scuba diving trip. perhentian island, malaysia - although a lot of people have told me that the quality of marine fauna in perhentian has deteriorated tremendously, i have to say it's still worth going. it's not as great as sipadan, or the great barrier reef (sipadan was super awesome, by the way, and i doubt that any diving experience will compare to it. sadly it's not being maintained well and i can only foresee it becoming less and less attractive as the years go by) but it's damn well worth the money. soft corals are not as abundant as it used to be, so i'm told, but you can still find about 10 - 20 stereotypical species of them at regular intervals across the seabed. again, contrary to what i've been told, it's still colourful, and if you have an eye out for these things, it's very appreciable. in contrast to sipadan, there's less types of soft corals but there is not a lack thereof, and surprisingly, hard coral was harder to come by than i expected (not to say there's any lacking).
the fauna was 'mediocre', though i say this only because there is the absence of those 'holy shi*' moments during the dive. you can see lot's of stuff, don't get me wrong, it's just they're all the same mundane stuff you can get anywhere else. no turtles, one or two nurse sharks in the distance. a spattering of barracuda (again at a distance) etc etc. there was some 'exciting' microlife like rare cleaner shrimp and fluorescent nudibranch(es?) but being as near-sighted as i am, i guess i'm not fully equipped to appreciate them in all their splendour. oooo shiny colours. do want.
conditions were great though. slow-rolling sea. not too cold, i went in with only a skinsuit, and i can imagine it being thoroughly comfortable in a drysuit. no rough winds during this time of year (june) but i'm told to expect the monsoon conditions from september to april. the dive crew was awesome (bar a couple of old lady tourists who had trouble with everything from buoyancy to the ability to keep their mouths shut. i kid, i kid, they were awesome. i just mention them, though, because they left quite the lasting impression upon me, some old (i probably exaggerate since they might as well have been middle-aged) obasans suiting up. tee hee. the divemasters were a everything i'd come to expect, gear was clean and up-to-date. what can i really say, it was great. i did get rather ticked off by the prices of everything else on the island. food was incredibly overpriced and small in proportion, day-to-day items were similarly expensive etc etc. i can understand trying to make a quick buck out of tourists but this was ridiculous. i'd suggest bringing some of your own foodstuff like tinned sardines(also know as ikan bilis to our resident german friend).
all in all it was a great experience - i'd definitely go again. preferrably with a group of friends. although, sometimes it's pretty awesome to just kick back and take time to yourself. to each his own.
on a side note, i did get 2 chapters finished of a work-in-progress written thingy i'm working on. collaboration with my friend has been a bit slow, and we might not meet the deadline, but if we do, expect to see some pretty awesome stuff whenever we finish (disclaimer: definition of awesome may vary on an individual basis). 'til next time, kids. same awesome time, same awesome channel.
Sunday, 24 May 2009
what dreams make sense
i have been trying to write something recently, but all that comes to mind as i sit staring at the screen are my attempts to criticise the political and administrative shortcomings of the country (that i perceive through my biased and narrowly-squinted eyes). even before keying in the potential entries, i see there is much to be desired from such posts, as they are neither my forte, interest nor strong point of discourse - though they should be at least two of the aforementioned. as such, instead i furnish you with a followup, to 'what dreams may come' bearing fruits courtesy of my attempts to record dreams. such is from today's adventure:
i wake up mildly annoyed and greatly distressed from a deep sleep gratuitiously attributed to my journey upstate with some friends today (although admittedly i slept throughout the forward journey). which was about 3am, noting i slept at about 9.30pm. as i drift off back to sleep, i notice this dream manifesting almost immediately - i am a jar of peanutbutter.
i am a jar of peanutbutter. not sure if i was smooth, crunchy or extra-crunchy, but i do remember my jar being glass,not plastic (which plays into the story in a bit). someone whom i know (family member or friend) is a bear. big grizzly bear with brown fur and black eyes. and is mauling the shit out of me. broken glass is sharding everywhere and as my peanutbutter innards are spilling all over the place, i'm screaming (wtf?). said bear is hungrily licking the peanutbutter from its paws and proceeds to relentlessly jar-rape yours truly. end of dream.
now, before the psycho-analysis begins, i'm particularly interested in knowing if bears, particularly of the grizzly type, are fond of peanut butter. i mean, i can dig it if it's yogi bear. or even boo-boo bear (face it. as cute as he is, he's damn well an accomplice to all those pic-a-nic heists. why else would he still be hanging out with yogi? plus, he isn't actually the most deterrant person-bears for yogi. god knows what he does with big brother in lieu of commercial breaks. i digress). also, grizzly bears are brown, aren't they? pretty sure they're not black. could be mexican for all i know or even eastern-european. but that's a bit racist, and geographically-ignorant.
in a nutshell, wtf does this dream mean? god, such horribad symbolism.
i wake up mildly annoyed and greatly distressed from a deep sleep gratuitiously attributed to my journey upstate with some friends today (although admittedly i slept throughout the forward journey). which was about 3am, noting i slept at about 9.30pm. as i drift off back to sleep, i notice this dream manifesting almost immediately - i am a jar of peanutbutter.
i am a jar of peanutbutter. not sure if i was smooth, crunchy or extra-crunchy, but i do remember my jar being glass,not plastic (which plays into the story in a bit). someone whom i know (family member or friend) is a bear. big grizzly bear with brown fur and black eyes. and is mauling the shit out of me. broken glass is sharding everywhere and as my peanutbutter innards are spilling all over the place, i'm screaming (wtf?). said bear is hungrily licking the peanutbutter from its paws and proceeds to relentlessly jar-rape yours truly. end of dream.
now, before the psycho-analysis begins, i'm particularly interested in knowing if bears, particularly of the grizzly type, are fond of peanut butter. i mean, i can dig it if it's yogi bear. or even boo-boo bear (face it. as cute as he is, he's damn well an accomplice to all those pic-a-nic heists. why else would he still be hanging out with yogi? plus, he isn't actually the most deterrant person-bears for yogi. god knows what he does with big brother in lieu of commercial breaks. i digress). also, grizzly bears are brown, aren't they? pretty sure they're not black. could be mexican for all i know or even eastern-european. but that's a bit racist, and geographically-ignorant.
in a nutshell, wtf does this dream mean? god, such horribad symbolism.
Monday, 11 May 2009
my little napoleons
it's very interesting what power does to people. as a kid i used to imagine what i would do if (when) i finally am able to graft adamantium unto my endoskeleton, or get bitten by a radioactive spider, or find out that i was actually from the planet krypton and was turning of age to fully potentiate my powers. and in all honesty, they weren't all virtuous and selfless intents.
as i grew up, naturally these notions grow further and further away (still hoping, though!) but what replaced it was other related questions: are people corrupted by power? or is it that people are naturally with ill intent and power enables them to fulfill their callous desires? moreso, is it possible that true virtuosity is only a means, and that once a person is in a position of power to enact, these promises are by no reasons part of the ends?
in any case, such a philosophical exercise is not my intention today, especially since my last couple of entries have been heavily so. instead, i come to the real-life story as to why i pose this in the first place.
as i am writing this, i have been set with a dilemma, whether to chose integrity and self-actualisation, or chose to succumb to the norms which have been imposed upon me (albeit i cannot say against my will) - mix in a financial ultimatum worth one million dollars and some social / familial imperatives, and spice it up with some intra-personal double-guessing and self doubt, and voila, we arrive at my situation.
succinct to say, irrespective of me being vague, the crux of the problem (if any such thing exists, as 'problem' is a relative term) is that i was applying to change from situation A to situation B, of which there should be no problem, but the person(s) in charge of enabling this change decides to disallow it. as to why, i cannot really say, as the reasons given are weak, at best, and shallow (and pedantic). video link for reference. in any case, this isn't an isolated situation. many times have i encountered bureaucracy with this result, and though it annoys me to mount my high horse, i think my father put it very well when he said that all the smart people end up in professional jobs, and the class dunces end up running the country. to a lesser extent, i can project this onto any type of managerial position - the day shift manager at your local grocery never made it past 5th grade, so now you're eating sour grapes in both literal and figurative terms. or your kids' gym teacher never got why you can't use the chain rule in intergration like how you can in differentiation, so now your kids are getting beat up for not being able to bench-press 20. <insert more lewd and inappropriate stereotypes>.
in any case, i acknowledge this is a rant, but humor me this - can you deny that you've been in the same situation, and that it's thoroughly frustrating. and it just pisses me off to see that these little napoleons find sadistic joy in complicating the most meager of tasks, just to show you they're boss and you will submit to their every whim (if at least in their little corner of the world).
suffice to say, should i ever find myself in a position to determine such a person's future, although moreso if i am to know the person from similarly past experience, i cannot promise that i will be the bigger man - for all i know i will relish every little bit of the time i crown myself the napoleon of his dilemma and screw him over as royally as possible. one can only hope.
p/s: there's actually some origin of 'to eat sour grapes' in the Bible? i think but i cannot find it on the internet right now (aka too lazy) but you can go find it yourself if you're interested. fine, i went out and found it for you anyway.
p/p/s: also, all that government propaganda about 'enabling people' and letting you be all you can be is pretty much bullcrap. something i should have obviously seen earlier on in life, but it only stings as much when it happens on a personal basis. in all honestly, the system has treated me well up to this point, but i'm going to be every bit the little baby i can and bitch about this one circumstance as long as i have right to.
as i grew up, naturally these notions grow further and further away (still hoping, though!) but what replaced it was other related questions: are people corrupted by power? or is it that people are naturally with ill intent and power enables them to fulfill their callous desires? moreso, is it possible that true virtuosity is only a means, and that once a person is in a position of power to enact, these promises are by no reasons part of the ends?
in any case, such a philosophical exercise is not my intention today, especially since my last couple of entries have been heavily so. instead, i come to the real-life story as to why i pose this in the first place.
as i am writing this, i have been set with a dilemma, whether to chose integrity and self-actualisation, or chose to succumb to the norms which have been imposed upon me (albeit i cannot say against my will) - mix in a financial ultimatum worth one million dollars and some social / familial imperatives, and spice it up with some intra-personal double-guessing and self doubt, and voila, we arrive at my situation.
succinct to say, irrespective of me being vague, the crux of the problem (if any such thing exists, as 'problem' is a relative term) is that i was applying to change from situation A to situation B, of which there should be no problem, but the person(s) in charge of enabling this change decides to disallow it. as to why, i cannot really say, as the reasons given are weak, at best, and shallow (and pedantic). video link for reference. in any case, this isn't an isolated situation. many times have i encountered bureaucracy with this result, and though it annoys me to mount my high horse, i think my father put it very well when he said that all the smart people end up in professional jobs, and the class dunces end up running the country. to a lesser extent, i can project this onto any type of managerial position - the day shift manager at your local grocery never made it past 5th grade, so now you're eating sour grapes in both literal and figurative terms. or your kids' gym teacher never got why you can't use the chain rule in intergration like how you can in differentiation, so now your kids are getting beat up for not being able to bench-press 20. <insert more lewd and inappropriate stereotypes>.
in any case, i acknowledge this is a rant, but humor me this - can you deny that you've been in the same situation, and that it's thoroughly frustrating. and it just pisses me off to see that these little napoleons find sadistic joy in complicating the most meager of tasks, just to show you they're boss and you will submit to their every whim (if at least in their little corner of the world).
suffice to say, should i ever find myself in a position to determine such a person's future, although moreso if i am to know the person from similarly past experience, i cannot promise that i will be the bigger man - for all i know i will relish every little bit of the time i crown myself the napoleon of his dilemma and screw him over as royally as possible. one can only hope.
p/s: there's actually some origin of 'to eat sour grapes' in the Bible? i think but i cannot find it on the internet right now (aka too lazy) but you can go find it yourself if you're interested. fine, i went out and found it for you anyway.
p/p/s: also, all that government propaganda about 'enabling people' and letting you be all you can be is pretty much bullcrap. something i should have obviously seen earlier on in life, but it only stings as much when it happens on a personal basis. in all honestly, the system has treated me well up to this point, but i'm going to be every bit the little baby i can and bitch about this one circumstance as long as i have right to.
Thursday, 7 May 2009
oh ye, monetary.
a moment's worth of thick and toil,
an era grown in barren soil,
i could not have gained a step or fallen, verily;
no more, or less, than painted paper,
the grim reaper, an undertaker,
i know you well, oh ye, monetary.
starless nights spent avoiding your existence,
only to embrace you with arms resistant,
for who else to ask for help? not god, obviously.
because as with everything else (at least which matter),
what makes men sick and the better, better,
who else? oh ye, monetary.
a bar of gold, a grain of rice, a goat with a hundred ticks and lice,
and education, a baroness, everything that mom said was priceless,
when quality counts for more than quantity?
what buys fear and tear, and makes us find comfort in beer,
that also makes and breaks, that gives and takes,
oh. ye. monetary.
and with this strength that i write, one that ebbs away, i find i cannot take what i do not bear to say,
to this breach of integrity, for what i have always believed in, you take in a second, still i say 'nay!'
oh ye, monetary.
- written in a spur of pure inspiration, as i was tending to guests in the living room. 6.15pm
an era grown in barren soil,
i could not have gained a step or fallen, verily;
no more, or less, than painted paper,
the grim reaper, an undertaker,
i know you well, oh ye, monetary.
starless nights spent avoiding your existence,
only to embrace you with arms resistant,
for who else to ask for help? not god, obviously.
because as with everything else (at least which matter),
what makes men sick and the better, better,
who else? oh ye, monetary.
a bar of gold, a grain of rice, a goat with a hundred ticks and lice,
and education, a baroness, everything that mom said was priceless,
when quality counts for more than quantity?
what buys fear and tear, and makes us find comfort in beer,
that also makes and breaks, that gives and takes,
oh. ye. monetary.
and with this strength that i write, one that ebbs away, i find i cannot take what i do not bear to say,
to this breach of integrity, for what i have always believed in, you take in a second, still i say 'nay!'
oh ye, monetary.
- written in a spur of pure inspiration, as i was tending to guests in the living room. 6.15pm
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
... and therefore God does not exist
no, i have not embraced aethism, or anarchism, etc etc. this is a quote from the conclusion of a theory of knowledge presentation (part of the international baccalaureate programme) that was passed down to me (or up, considering the author is a junior colleague of mine). the major complaint that was brought to my attention (from one of the teaching staff) was not the issue of religious controversy, in the setting of a predominantly 'if-you're-not-with-us-then-you're-against-us-(and-hence-screwed)' society. do note that in this country, any form of independent thinking (be it religious, cultural, or political. especially political) is constantly under cynical scrutiny but any form of authority, and could end a person up in jail, or even worse, ostracism. in any case, the issue that was discussed (briefly, but which i can hopefully elaborate and extrapolate upon in this post) is the fact that the students have become dreary in thought. mundane, stereotyping and rigid. zombies of a cultural brainwash machine, in which goes the flesh of innocents, and out is churned the mindless throngs of black-and-white thinkers we know as 'adults'.
this is unsurprising to me. before you launch a crusade against me as a pompous, self-presuming person who thinks i'm better than these people and that i may perceive myself as the only intellectual amongst the drones of robot colleagues, calm. the. eff. down. this has nothing to do with my perception of the current state of students. it is in fact, what has been relayed to me by said teacher, and i happen to find it only too normal, considering how things have panned out for many people.
i digress. i'm not about to write my views on politics, education or religion, but about the thought process involved (as explained to me) in this title-conclusion. apparently, the definition of a well thought TOK presentation is :
1. pick a controversial issue.
2. discuss some pros.
3. discuss some cons.
4. conclude with a bang
5. ???
6. profit.
i realise that by stereotyping people into this algorithm of thought, i am being hypocritically that which i criticise. but bear with the argument for a second, my ostentation is to bring to your attention that 'original thought' cannot be stereotyped into a pre-formatted flowchart. it is by definition, unoriginal. sure, you can keep to your comfort zones. sure you can pick out a general set of beliefs and objectives for your now and future arguments. it is what makes us human, opinionated and assertive (as well as obtrusive and unmoving). i admit i have not read the entirety of this student's TOK essay and neither was i there for his/her presentation which ended in this unsultry conclusion, but the lack of coherence, as explained to me, and the audacity of making such a conclusion, from a half hour presentation, rivals such terrible works such as this entry!
philosophers have thought for lifetimes, mathematicians have written textbooks and theses on the subject, and have doubted their own works. and yet this person concludes such. amazing. the optimist in me would like to acknowledge this person as a genius of stellar proportions, but the cynic (as well as the statistician) in me says otherwise. (to digress again: need to remind myself to write on mathematics and proof of God's existence in a future post - subject of personal interest)
this is not a personal attack on the student, as much is it a criticism of how skewed a bold and sincere pursuit of education has been raped and desecrated, and integrated into this hive mind to emerge as another tool of uningenuity. how the mighty have fallen, so to quote. as fall out boy would testify, folie a deux, indeed.
i digress. as i have (un)thoroughly stated above, in my 8 minute entry, the exhausting pros and cons of an elaborate, and thought-provoking subject. i conclude that: sweet baby jewish jesus, please get the mind-control chips out of our childrens' brains and let them think for themselves (where the fault lies, even be it in the students themselves, i implore the readers to enlighten me, as i myself, as you can see from the above am highly biased).
???
profit
this is unsurprising to me. before you launch a crusade against me as a pompous, self-presuming person who thinks i'm better than these people and that i may perceive myself as the only intellectual amongst the drones of robot colleagues, calm. the. eff. down. this has nothing to do with my perception of the current state of students. it is in fact, what has been relayed to me by said teacher, and i happen to find it only too normal, considering how things have panned out for many people.
i digress. i'm not about to write my views on politics, education or religion, but about the thought process involved (as explained to me) in this title-conclusion. apparently, the definition of a well thought TOK presentation is :
1. pick a controversial issue.
2. discuss some pros.
3. discuss some cons.
4. conclude with a bang
5. ???
6. profit.
i realise that by stereotyping people into this algorithm of thought, i am being hypocritically that which i criticise. but bear with the argument for a second, my ostentation is to bring to your attention that 'original thought' cannot be stereotyped into a pre-formatted flowchart. it is by definition, unoriginal. sure, you can keep to your comfort zones. sure you can pick out a general set of beliefs and objectives for your now and future arguments. it is what makes us human, opinionated and assertive (as well as obtrusive and unmoving). i admit i have not read the entirety of this student's TOK essay and neither was i there for his/her presentation which ended in this unsultry conclusion, but the lack of coherence, as explained to me, and the audacity of making such a conclusion, from a half hour presentation, rivals such terrible works such as this entry!
philosophers have thought for lifetimes, mathematicians have written textbooks and theses on the subject, and have doubted their own works. and yet this person concludes such. amazing. the optimist in me would like to acknowledge this person as a genius of stellar proportions, but the cynic (as well as the statistician) in me says otherwise. (to digress again: need to remind myself to write on mathematics and proof of God's existence in a future post - subject of personal interest)
this is not a personal attack on the student, as much is it a criticism of how skewed a bold and sincere pursuit of education has been raped and desecrated, and integrated into this hive mind to emerge as another tool of uningenuity. how the mighty have fallen, so to quote. as fall out boy would testify, folie a deux, indeed.
i digress. as i have (un)thoroughly stated above, in my 8 minute entry, the exhausting pros and cons of an elaborate, and thought-provoking subject. i conclude that: sweet baby jewish jesus, please get the mind-control chips out of our childrens' brains and let them think for themselves (where the fault lies, even be it in the students themselves, i implore the readers to enlighten me, as i myself, as you can see from the above am highly biased).
???
profit
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